FBO: Remember the Value of Good Manners

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This part of the “FBO” or “For Bloggers Only” series is actually NOT JUST for bloggers, but FOR ALL entrepreneurs, employees, and nonprofit organizations seeking to raise funds to support their goals.

If you want millions of viewers, readers, customers, clients, members, etc., then you’ll want to follow along as we go through, one by one, the rainmaking secrets provided by Jeffrey J. Fox in his book How to Become a Rainmaker: The Rules for Getting and Keeping Customers and Clients.

REMEMBER THE VALUE OF GOOD MANNERS

A. FOX’S TIP NO. 40 FOR ALL RAINMAKERS

Fox’s Tip No. 40 for how to become a great salesperson, or rainmaker, is the tip to mind your manners: “Don’t talk with food in your mouth.” As he explains in his book:

And don’t plop your briefcase on the customer’s desk or conference table. Don’t be late for meetings. Don’t visit a customer if you are coughing and gagging and sneezing. Be sure your hands and clothes and hair and samples and car are clean. Stand up when an older person or a woman enters the room. Open the door for others. Offer to carry heavy items. Help lift a bag into and out of the overhead baggage compartments in airplanes. Say please and thank you.

To Rainmakers, manners matter.

B. APPLYING FOX’S TIP NO. 40 TO BLOGGERS

If you want to become an A-list blogger, apply Fox’s Tip No. 40 above to your blogging by remembering the value of good manners. This is just one important way of “minimizing your viewers discomfort” so they can relax and hear your message.

What are good manners in terms of blogging? First of all, I don’t mean blogs like dooce.com that have actually amassed huge followings partly due to their complete lack of manners and use of enough shocking language to make young sailors blush.

So, one way to put it is to say that good manners in blogging is sticking to the general style and tone of language your viewers have grown to expect on your blog. Aside from that, it’s definitely good manners to proofread your posts adequately to catch and correct 99% of your typos and other obvious oversights.

Finally, Fox’s tip that rainmakers should use good manners to everyone all the time, no matter who or where they are, applies equally well to bloggers. Remember, “treat everybody you meet as a viewer” and “never lose your cool; don’t blow it.”

This includes being as polite as you can even when responding to the rudest comments or emails. In situations where such communications are so toxic that you just can’t fashion a polite reply, skip it. Feel free to ignore extreme rudeness.

What you should never do is get involved in a downward spiral of nastiness. Meanness is weakness. It broadcasts to the world that you are still mostly a child trapped in an adult’s body and still struggling with too many fears, anxieties, and insecurities to treat people with the decency and respect that we all deserve. See, e.g., “Easy Anger Management” and “Help with Overcoming Codependency.”

CONCLUSION

No one is perfect. We won’t be able to stick to these rules 100% of the time. But, working on it constantly is a habit that every future A-list blogger should have. ; )

If you would like your own copy of Rainmaker someday, here’s what it looks like.

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Lessons on Laziness from “Office Space”

We all know what “lazy” means, right?

Even so, it never hurts to start out on the same page. Here’s the primary definition of lazy from dictionary.com: “adj. 1. averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.”

I’m not here to judge lazy people.

If being lazy makes you truly happy—and you’re not hurting anybody in the process—then enjoy it as much as you can! Life is short!

I believe we should all do whatever makes us happy, as long as we don’t do it at the expense of others.

But, honestly, I’ve never met a single lazy person who was also a happy person. So, I seriously doubt any actually exist. If you’re out there, let me know!

Sure, we’re all lazy once in a while, meaning we are all “averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion,” such as when we are sick, tired, or taking a well-deserved break from our usual work, activity, or exertion. But, ask yourself this: If you really had all the free time you could possible want, would you really want to do nothing at all that might be considered “work, activity, or exertion?”

LESSONS ON LAZINESS FROM “OFFICE SPACE”

1. You don’t need a million dollars to sit around doing nothing all day.

When I first saw the movie “Office Space,” I agreed with the main character, a disgruntled, number-cruncher named Peter Gibbons, who claimed that if he had a million dollars, he would love to do absolutely nothing all day long but “sit on his ass.” Of course, back then, I was working 10- to 12-hour days including weekends at a sweatshop of a law firm. In fact, that’s the year my friends bought me the Special Edition DVD “with Flair!” copy of this movie for my birthday. (I mostly missed my own party because I had to work even that Saturday night till 11 P.M.!)

Peter’s apartment neighbor, an affable, mullet-headed, beer-guzzling, construction worker named Lawrence, was surprised to hear that comment from Peter, looked puzzled for a bit, then replied, sort of matter-of-factly: “You don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin. He’s broke and don’t do shit.”

2. Even if you could sit around and do nothing all day long, sooner or later, you’d voluntarily work really hard at something you love because that’s what makes all living creatures, great and small, naturally and instinctively happy.

Imagine my disappointment when Peter had an epiphany at a hypnotist’s office that left him suddenly free from all anxieties—and, instead of sitting on his rear all day long like he said he would if he only had the courage to do it, he actually goes right back to work the very next Monday! True, he did sleep in that first Saturday instead of going to work like he promised Bill Lumbergh, the self-important, smug vice president of the branch office; but, anyone can miss one day of work without being lazy! But, he does show up late in jeans and polo shirt instead of dress shirt, tie, and slacks; parks in Lumbergh’s reserved parking spot; and dismantles his cubicle, leaving the mess exactly where it falls. When asked by a couple of consultants hired by the company what he thinks is wrong with the company, he tells it to them straight, shocking both of them speechless. Another time, he plays Tetris with eyes glued to computer screen, both feet on desk, munching loose Cheetos on his desk while Lumbergh tries to have a “little talk” with him about his recent change in work habits. Maybe Peter’s not quite ready to walk out on the job yet and prefers to take passive-aggressive baby steps toward that final exit.

He also goes to the restaurant where he and his coworkers hang out and asks out to lunch the waitress who works there. She accepts. He invites her to watch old “Kung Fu” reruns at his apartment. She accepts. They begin dating, including going fishing with Lawrence, the three of them on a lake, where Peter catches a couple of big fish that he, for some reason brings to the office, and guts in his cubicle, leaving the entrails on a stack of the latest new forms the company has required all employees to use. Anyway, my point is that he is not being lazy. He is, on the contrary, enjoying a lot of his old favorite activities—and still showing up to work.

In an ironic comical twist, Peter is rewarded for his sudden total disrespect of the company and supervisors by getting promoted, while his two kowtowing, fearful, hardworking best friends are about to get laid-off. Does Peter choose to “do nothing” and leave well enough alone? Far from it! He convinces his two friends to go in with him on a plan to hack the company’s computer system and steal such tiny sums of cash over time that no one would notice, thus, eventually, they would each amass tidy little fortunes and finally be freed from their work worries forever.

(I probably should have give you a spoiler alert before, but I’ll go ahead and do it now: If you don’t want to know the ending of the movie, stop reading now!) Whatever program they loaded into the company’s system to try to siphon off just pennies a day ends up taking out hundreds of thousands of dollars in no time! Peter and his friends try to think of a way out of getting caught the next day and sent to prison; but, when they can’t think of anything, the friends storm off angry at Peter for talking them into it. Peter, left alone with his conscience, decides to do the right thing, turn himself in, and take all the blame to save his friends. He writes a confession letter, encloses a cashier’s check of the entire amount that was stolen, and slides it under Lumbergh’s locked office door when no one’s around—and immediately regrets it. But, it’s too late; he tries, but he can’t reach the letter.

He says goodbye to his girlfriend and neighbor and explains that he’ll be going away to prison, probably for a very long time. However, lucky for everyone involved, another disgruntled employee goes postal that same morning and torches the entire office (no one’s hurt), leaving nothing that can tie Peter or his friends to the theft.

Peter’s friends find new but similar employment at yet another cookie-cutter computer company. And, what about Peter, who claimed all he wanted to do was sit around all day doing nothing? He takes a job as a manual laborer, working side-by-side with his neighbor Lawrence and other construction workers, cleaning up the rubble from the office fire. And, guess what? Peter is finally happy! With his face and clothes blackened from soot and ashes, he is smiling from ear to ear!

What I learned from watching “Office Space” is that neither Peter nor I really wanted to be lazy or sit on our butts all day long. What we longed for was plenty of work, activity, and exertion that we could really enjoy and feel proud of doing!

That’s what Peter found for himself in the end. He liked being outdoors all day, doing work that got immediate results. That kind of work seems to match his love of fishing all day on a lake and for watching reruns of an old TV show about an outlawed kung fu master who wanders about in the wild, wild west spreading his special brand of eastern philosophy, brotherly love, and justice wherever he goes.

Peter was obviously more of a maverick than his friends. His friends never hated their jobs or careers per se. I think they only griped about work because that’s what employees like to do during lunch breaks (which is why Peter politely turned down their invitation to have lunch with them at their old favorite haunt—that and the fact that his girlfriend was bringing him lunch later). All his friends really wanted was a little job security or at least a little recognition for their hard work, special skills, and dedication. They never complained about the actual work. If anything, they seemed to enjoy and were very proud of their computer programming work.

I also was dying a slow death in various law firms for over ten years as an attorney, just another cog in the wheel, and dreamed of getting away from it all, someday. But, what I didn’t fully realize then was that I wasn’t truly hungry to stay at home and do nothing, like I often thought I was. Because if that was all I was hungry for, I would have done it years ago. No, what I truly hungered for was to do some worthwhile work, some fulfilling activity, or some physical, mental, and/or emotional exertion that I could completely immerse myself into, on a regular enough basis, so that I could collapse at the end of each day with a big smile on my face, knowing I had finally made a positive difference in the world in my own special way.

Most of my coworkers complained loudly and often about how much they hated their jobs and our bosses, so I thought they were truly miserable, too. (Though I usually shared my complaints only with friends outside of whatever law office I happened to be in at the time. But, I tried so many different law firms, always looking for the right fit, hoping for it. Till, I finally realized the wrong fit was the career, not the particular office!) The funny thing is, all those loudly complaining coworkers are all still there—or at different law offices, probably hoping against hope that the new place is better than the old place. But, I happen to know they’re all pretty much the same. “Meet the new boss; same as the old boss” is too true.

Are they lazy to not leave jobs they hate and look for something they love? Do they dream of sitting around all day doing nothing because they think that would be preferable to working a job they hate? I don’t know the answers to those questions. What I do know is that all living things appear to have a purpose; and that purpose is to be useful in some tangible and instinctively satisfying way. There isn’t a single organism on earth that performs busy work simply for the sake of busy work, or pretends to be working at some task they hate just to come back day after day to do it all over again—except homo sapiens stuck in jobs they hate.

What I also know is that none of us can do our best at anything we hate doing. And, if we never do our best at anything because we can’t—or won’t—find the work we seem to be born to love to do, we will never get that indescribable high that only comes from doing something hard that we love and giving it all we’ve got.

Finally, I know that even though I can just sit around all day if I want to, at least once in a while, simply having that freedom has proved to me that I’m not lazy at all! So, I believe that none of us are lazy at heart. I’m crazy about my work, and I believe you would be, too, if you followed your bliss! Even when I’m on vacation, I’m happiest returning to my hotel room after the day’s festivities, merriment, or socializing, to work because I crave that wonderfully spent feeling that can only be experienced after a great work session. This must be how bodybuilders and other athletes feel after a great workout. It’s totally addictive in the best possible way!

CONCLUSION

So, neither Peter nor I was lazy. We just needed to finally do something that we loved instead of forcing ourselves to continue in jobs that felt terribly wrong for us. Imagine the things humans could accomplish if we all did exactly what we loved! We’d all become the best in our chosen fields! And, that’s exactly as it should be.

Unfortunately, too many of us are willing to settle for much, much less—and for far, far too long. But, it’s never too late! I finally began following my bliss last year, essentially starting over at age 41; and, I’ve never looked back! When you find your bliss and start following it, you’re too happy to regret all the years you spent not following it, even if you were living and working in abject misery; you simply feel fortunate, gratitude, happiness—and that strange but wonderfully satisfying feeling of exhaustion as you fall into bed after doing nothing but all the cool stuff you instinctively love to do. I just know you would work as hard, too, at whatever it is that you love if you only had enough time and money to do it! Well then, shouldn’t that be your goal? (1) Find out what you love. (2) Find out how to get enough time and money to do it. You might not need as much time or money as you think.

It turned out I didn’t. I simply needed to shift my priorities in how I spent big chunks of both in my life. (For example, see “How I Paid Off $50,000 of Debt in One Year,” “Think and Grow Rich,” and “Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life.”) And, voila! Here I am! I used to hear the argument that most of us have to spend 2/3 of our waking lives working, so might as well spend it doing something we love. But, no one ever told me that if I actually started doing work that I really loved, I’d want to spend almost 100% of my waking time doing it! But, from everything I’ve studied, it seems to be true for everyone who has found their true calling in life.

I sincerely hope you will join us. Though we are a tiny club, we all lead exciting, fulfilling lives, exactly suited for each of us! Be awesome! Be your own hero!! : )

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[For “Lessons on Boredom from ‘The Joy of Not Working,’” click here.]

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[For “Think and Grow Rich,” click here.]

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[For “100 Lazy Quotes,” click here.]

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