Do You Suffer from Mental Constipation or Diarrhea?

Tuesday, September 30th 2008 by Shanel Yang         Email this article to a friend

“Mental constipation” is defined in the Urban Dictionary as “an inability to articulate one’s thoughts or ideas, resulting in significant psychological distress and frustration.”

And, while there is no listing for “mental diarrhea” from the same source, we can analogize from the listings they do have for “diarrhea of the mouth,” which include such colorful definitions as:

1. “When someone won’t STFU and keeps blabbering their inane chatter.”

2. “constant talk with no information value. unstoppable talking. saying alot but saying nothing at all, not to be confused with saying alot by saying nothing at all. meaningless and unstoppable talk. drug-induced chatter. politics. barf.” [This person seems to be employing the art of teaching by example. Very effective, no?]

3. “an imaginary medical problem that is supposed to account for someone talking too much”

Based on the above definitions for “diarrhea of the mouth,” we can form the following definition for “diarrhea of the brain” or simply “mental diarrhea” as an inability to control your own mental chatter, resulting in significant psychological distress and frustration. So, here are the definitions I am using for this post:

Mental Constipation: an inability to articulate one’s thoughts or ideas, resulting in significant psychological distress and frustration; or “mental blockage” (note: “writer’s block” is a particular type, or subset, of mental constipation).

Mental Diarrhea: an inability to control one’s own mental chatter, resulting in significant psychological distress and frustration; or “the mental runs” (not to be confused with mind fart or brain fart, which is a single, sudden, half-baked idea).

With that in mind, do you think you suffer from mental blockage or the mental runs?

DO YOU SUFFER FROM MENTAL CONSTIPATION OR DIARRHEA?

If you do have either of these problems, I want to share what has worked for me.

A. MENTAL CONSTIPATION

1. My Own History of Mental Constipation

You could say I suffered from mental constipation for the for first 20 years of my life. There was so much I felt all those years and was desperate to express but just couldn’t find the right words. The problem I think was that my parents didn’t really teach me how to talk like some parents do. When I was born in a small village in Korea, Dad spent many months away at a time doing whatever he did (something to do with the army and construction of bridges and such) and Mom either completely ignored me to do her chores or spent endless hours (to hear her tell it) crying and sharing her very adult woes with me since I was a tiny infant.

I don’t really know how I came to learn my native language of Korean. But, what I distinctly recall is that they never talked to me except to bark orders at me or yell at me for doing something wrong. It was common among the poor folk in Korea at that time to basically ignore children till they at least reached school age. I babysat my sisters, but there was little real communication amongst us, either. When our parents did spend any time together, they mostly fought and screamed at each other. That was about it for my mental skills till we came to the U.S. in 1971.

I was five years old and my chief purpose in life, it seemed to me at the time, was to do whatever my parents told me to do, which was mostly watching my younger sisters. But, being in the U.S. suddenly changed all that. Now, in addition to caring for them, I was also supposed to learn English as quickly and as perfectly as possible and teach it not only to my sisters but also to my parents as soon as I learned it from school. (Some of you first generation immigrants out there know exactly what I’m talking about!) It was a rush but also a heady responsibility! What I was learning and teaching was no less than the power of communication, to understand others and to be understood by family, friends, and, even, strangers. What is more empowering than that? I think nothing. Because when you reach out and successfully communicate with just one other person, you bridge the often unbearable chasm of loneliness that lies between our souls and the rest of the world. And, I didn’t realize this back then, but, when you learn to communicate with others, best of all, you get to know yourself better. There is no better way to find out who you are. Until you can express them, your thoughts almost don’t exist.

When I was in elementary school, it was enough to know how to merely describe things. Then, in my adolescence, along with my peers, we all began to struggle with abstract thoughts and feelings. Suddenly my language skills were woefully inadequate to explain any of those indescribably complex things! I simply lacked the words, phrases, and entire paragraphs to speak intelligently, or, even, coherently about them. I was literally at a loss for words. Thanks to my very vivid memory, I can actually recall for you a typical note passed to my best friend in high school:

“So sick and tired of this class! Want to go to Jack’s [Jack-in-the-Box] after school? I’m starving!! Just thinking about a Jumbo Jack and French fries is making me crazy! Why is this class is so f***ing boring?! Can’t wait to get out of here!!! By the way, I love your hair today. What did you do to it? It looks kinda fluffier today. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Ugh, there goes that stupid, stuck-up [fill-in-the-blank with pretty female classmate’s name] again! I hate the way she always acts so cute! God, there goes [fill-in-the-blank with good-looking classmate’s name] making goo-goo eyes at her. Quick, get me a barf bag! How long till we can get OUT OF HERE???!!! Oh, there goes the bell! Fi-nal-ly! See you soon!”

See what I mean? Not much of substance there. A lot of repetition. Mostly bellyaching or making short-sighted plans to kill any free time I happened to have. I saved all my serious thoughts for my diaries. A typical entry back in those days:

“Mom and Dad are fighting again. [One of my sisters] is mad at me again. I have tons of homework and housework and yardwork to do and no time left for any of it. Crap! Nothing new there! I wish I could just make the world stand still for two weeks. God, please just give me that and I swear I’ll never fall behind again!

“My life! Where’s it going, anyway? Nobody knows. Nobody cares. Not even me. I just [long pause from all the scribbling while I agonizingly search for the right words … then give up and settle for the best I can find] do what I can to get by. It kills me to not be able to find the right words to say everything I want to say to people and in here. But, that’s life, right? After all, I’m not a writer or anything. Maybe I should be a writer. Yeah, right! In your dreams. Why not? Because YOU CAN’T WRITE, Stupid. That’s why. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Thanks for reminding me. You’re such a pal. No problem. That’s what friends are for. [Stop writing. Close diary.]”

Not exactly inspiring, is it? In fact, it’s mostly more bellyaching and, worse, self-deprecating and even self-sabotaging. A clear example of being my own worst devil’s advocate. I just went on and on about the many problems in my life. I didn’t even try to get to the source of them. It was still helpful to keep a diary because at least I could vent my frustrations from time to time. But, I didn’t use my diary to its full potential back then mostly because I didn’t know how. (You can learn how if you read “10 Reasons to Keep a Diary” and “20 Questions for Your Diary.”)

Why didn’t I know how? First, I had to learn it was possible to express all that was trapped inside of me. I had to believe it could be done. And, I finally learned that when I started reading novels that succeeded in capturing at least some of my intense feelings. (Not to mention the unexpected bonus of showing me entire new vistas of emotions and ideas!) Second, I had to at least try to emulate the writers I most admired and could most relate to (John Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, and Edgar Allan Poe). Of course, that meant I had to expand my vocabulary a lot and learn new ways of putting words together to bring about different nuances in the sentences I constructed. Finally, I had to learn how to create first good sentences, then paragraphs, then, finally, complete essays, speeches, and term papers, always striving to accurately reflect my thoughts and feelings through the use of nothing but words—not unlike musicians who use their instruments, or artists who use various media, to express theirs. It was, and continues to be, a labor of love.

2. Cures for Mental Constipation

If you feel mentally clogged more or less all the time—like I used to—you have to follow the same steps I did to get unclogged and let your amazing thoughts flow:

a. Increase your vocabulary: Learn the words that more accurately describe your thoughts and feelings. Do you feel happy? Ecstatic? Overjoyed? Delighted? Contented? Amused? Or, something else? You can say “red,” or you can evoke many different images by saying instead: “crimson,” “scarlet,” “candy-apple red,” or “blood red.” This isn’t something you can learn overnight; but, what better gift to yourself and everyone around you to communicate clearly with them? Pure heaven!

The best way to increase your vocabulary is to read books you already enjoy but really read them. That means not skipping over the parts you don’t understand or words you don’t know or think maybe you know but wouldn’t exactly bet any money on it. Stop right there! Go to Dictionary.com or pull out your trusty and well-worn pocket dictionary that you always carry around with you. This is not optional if you want to cure your mental constipation for good. Think of it as doctor-prescribed meds for your condition: “Use liberally every time you do not fully understand a word or phrase.” Then, write down whatever notes to yourself you need—in your pocket-sized notebook you also always carry around with you—to help you recall it in the future. (I use Moleskines but anything you can fill up and cherish will work.)

Then, just as you would have to do if you were learning a new language—which you are in a way because the language of “clear communication” is very different from typical “conversation speak”—you need to practice using your new vocabulary. Use as many of the new words you learn as soon as possible and keep using them. If you’re too shy or timid to try them with your friends and family, then use them in your diary. Even so, you have to eventually practice with people. You can’t learn to swim without getting in the water. So, go ahead and splash around!

b. Keep a personal diary: Nothing forces you, ever so gently, to more clearly express your thoughts and feelings than a well-kept diary. Almost everyone who ended up in our history books kept one. And, the ones who didn’t wrote long, personal letters that pretty much served the same purpose. Almost every writer, musician, and artist kept them, too. Why? Because if you can explain your emotions, ideas, and dreams in writing, then you can also express these things to the folks who help make your dreams come true—such as your soul mate. Thus, keeping a diary is not only a huge shortcut to clear communication, clear communication then becomes a huge shortcut to achieving all your goals, too.

c. Increase your knowledge: Luckily you can increase your general knowledge of all the amazing things there are to know in the world from the same source where you’ll be expanding your vocabulary—your favorite books! However, if you mostly just stick to one genre, you might want to broaden your horizons a bit and at least branch out to a few classics. (E.g., “Top 5 Simple Yet Profound Books.”) But, if you don’t want to invest the time required to read entire books you don’t love, a quicker way to gain mountains of new information is to watch a wide variety of movies, particularly documentaries and biographies. Remember to learn vocabulary from movies, too! Jot down notes in your pocket notebook to help you recall all the information that you enjoyed learning and want to make part of your permanent mental reference library. Then, write about it more thoroughly in your diary. Finally, discuss it with your family and friends. That’s how you make it your own!

d. Practice, practice, practice: Ask your friends about their opinions, ideas, and beliefs. It can be on current events, movies, books, or anything. Then, share your own. See if you can verbally communicate to them what you already communicated to yourself in your diary. Did you cover all the main points of that particular idea? Did you change your viewpoint as a result of your discussions with them? If so, why? Write about that in your diary. This is how you further improve your communication skills and further hone your thoughts, ideas, and dreams till they’re laser sharp and ready for you to perform mental surgery anytime you want or need. Therefore, no more mental constipation, psychological distress, or frustration.

B. MENTAL DIARRHEA

The flip side of mental constipation is mental diarrhea. In fact, these problems are like two sides of the same coin. Both stem from the same root cause: poor communication skills based on lack of sufficient vocabulary and general knowledge of the subject matter in question. If you mentally stammer to yourself in your head, constantly going around in circles, or jump from subject to subject without seemingly making any progress, you might be suffering from mental diarrhea. Either that, or ADHD (”Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder”), in which case you need to consult with a good psychiatrist to: (1) be certain that’s actually what you have and; (2) help you decide for yourself what might be the best treatment for you.

If you don’t think you have ADHD but merely mental diarrhea, the cures for it are the same as the cures for mental constipation. Same root causes, so same cures!

CONCLUSION

My advice always seems to boil down to improved communication skills in one form or another. And, this intermediate goal of clear communication with ourselves and with others—which is arguably the most effective catalyst for all your ultimate goals—is always helped along enormously by keeping a diary, reading a lot of classics, and carrying on stimulating conversations with like-minded, growth-minded thinkers. No wonder so many famously successful people followed these three great habits since forever! It probably started with telling stories by campfires in caves and out on the open ranges. Then, with the advent of writing, the rest is history!

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[For “20 Questions for Your Diary,” click here.]

[For “Top 5 Simple Yet Profound Books,” click here.]

[For “Is Guilt Ever a Good Thing?,” click here.]

[For “10 Harmful Thoughts,” click here.]

[For “50 Negative v. Positive Thoughts,” click here.]

[For “Fan Your Inner Flame Till It Burns Bright,” click here.]

[For “Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life,” click here.]

[For “What Would You Do If You Couldn’t Fail?,” click here.]

[For “How to Set and Achieve Goals in 5 Simple Steps,” click here.]

[For “So Much Self Help, So Little Time!,” click here.]

[For “Jealous Much? … Make It Work for You!,” click here.]

[For “So You Think You’re Smart?,” click here.]

[For “My 10 Commandments,” click here.]

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[For more “Easy Steps to Success with People,” click here.]