All About You — Day 23: Mistakes Are Great Teachers

My work is part of a tradition in psychology that shows the power of people’s beliefs. These may be beliefs we’re aware of or unaware of, but they strongly affect what we want and whether we succeed in getting it. This tradition also shows how changing people’s beliefs—even the simplest beliefs—can have profound effects.

In this book, you’ll learn how a simple belief about yourself—a belief we discovered in our research—guides a large part of your life. In fact, it permeates every part of your life. Much of what you think of as your personality actually grows out of this “mindset.” Much of what may be preventing you from fulfilling your potential grows out of it.

No book has ever explained this mindset and shown people how to make use of it in their lives. You’ll suddenly understand the greats—in the sciences and arts, in sports and in business—and the would-have-beens. You’ll understand your mate, your boss, your friends, your kids. You’ll see how to unleash your potential—and your children’s.

1. The Nature of Change

I was in the middle of first grade when my family moved. Suddenly, I was in a new school. Everything was unfamiliar—the teacher, the students, and the work. The work was what terrified me. The new class was way ahead of my old one, or at least it seemed that way to me. They were writing letters I hadn’t learned to write yet. And, there was a way to do everything that everyone seemed to know, except me. So, when the teacher said, “Class, put your name on your paper in the right place,” I had no idea what she meant.

So, I cried. Each day, things came up that I didn’t know how to do. Each time, I felt lost and overwhelmed. Why didn’t I just say to the teacher, “Mrs. Kahn, I haven’t learned this yet. Could you show me how?”

Another time when I was little, my parents gave me money to go to the movies with an adult and a group of lids. As I rounded the corner to the meeting place, I looked down the block and saw them all leaving. But, instead of running after them and yelling, “Wait for me!,” I stood frozen, clutching the coins in my hand and watching them recede into the distance.

Why didn’t I try to stop them or catch up with them? Why did I accept defeat before I had tried some simple tactics? I know that in my dreams I had often performed magical or superhuman feats in the face of danger. I even have a picture of myself in my self-made Superman cape. Why, in real life, couldn’t I do an ordinary thing, like ask for help or call out for people to wait?

In my work, I see lots of young children like this—bright, seemingly resourceful children who are paralyzed by setbacks. In some of our studies, they just have to take the simplest action to make things better. But, they don’t. These are the young children with the fixed mindset. When things go wrong, they feel powerless and incapable.

Even now, when something goes wrong or when something promising seems to be slipping away, I still have a passing feeling of powerlessness. Does that mean I haven’t changed?

No, it means that change isn’t like surgery. Even when you change, the old beliefs aren’t just removed like a worn-out hip or knee and replaced with better ones. Instead, the new beliefs take their place along-side the old ones, and as they become stronger, they give you a different way to think, feel, and act.

a. Beliefs are the Key to Happiness (and to Misery)

In the 1960s, psychiatrist Aaron Beck was working with his clients when he suddenly realized it was their beliefs that were causing their problems. Just before they felt a wave of anxiety or depression, something quickly flashed through their minds. It could be: “Dr. Beck thinks I’m incompetent.” Or, “This therapy will never work. I’ll never feel better.” These kinds of beliefs caused their negative feelings not only in the therapy sessions, but in their lives, too

They weren’t beliefs people were usually conscious of. Yet Beck found he could teach people to pay attention and hear them. And, then he discovered he could teach them how to work with and change these beliefs. This is how cognitive therapy was born, one of the most effective therapies ever developed.

Whether they’re aware of it or not, all people keep a running account of what’s happening to them, what it means, and what they should do. That’s just how we stay on track. But, sometimes, the interpretation process goes awry. Some people put more extreme interpretations on things that happen—and then react with exaggerated feelings of anxiety, depression, or anger. Or superiority.

b. Mindsets Go Further

Mindsets frame the running account that’s taking place in people’s heads. They guide the whole interpretation process. The fixed mindset creates an internal monologue that is focused on judging: “This means I’m a loser.” “This means I’m a better person than they are.” “This means I’m a bad husband.” “This means my partner is selfish.”

In several studies, we probed the way people with a fixed mindset dealt with information they were receiving. We found that they put a very strong evaluation on each and every piece of information. Something good led to a very strong positive label and something bad led to a very strong negative label.

People with a growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves and others in this way. Certainly, they’re sensitive to positive and negative information, but they’re attuned to its implications for learning and constructive action: “What can I learn from this?” “How can I improve?” “How can I help my partner do this better?”

Now, cognitive therapy basically teaches people to rein in their extreme judgments and make them more reasonable. For example, suppose Alana does poorly on a test and draws the conclusion, “I’m stupid.” Cognitive therapy would teach her to look more closely at the facts by asking: “What is the evidence for and against your conclusion?” Alana may, after prodding, come up with a long list of ways in which she has been competent in the past, and may then confess, “I guess I’m not as incompetent as I thought.”

She may also be encouraged to think of reasons she did poorly on the test other than stupidity, and these may further temper her negative judgment. Alana is then taught how to do this for herself, so that when she judges herself negatively in the future, she can refute the judgment and feel better.

In this way, cognitive therapy helps people make more realistic and optimistic judgments. But it does not take them out of the fixed mindset and its world of judgment. It does not confront the basic assumption—the idea that traits are fixed—that is causing them to constantly measure themselves. In other words, it does not escort them out of the framework of judgment and into the framework of growth.

This chapter is about changing the internal monologue from a judging one to a growth-oriented one.

2. The Mindset Lectures

Just learning about the growth mindset can cause a big shift in the way people think about themselves and their lives.

So, each year in my undergraduate course, I teach about these mindsets—not only because they are part of the topic of the course, but, also, because I know what pressure these students are under. Every year, students describe to me how these ideas have changed them in all areas of their lives.

Here is Maggie, the aspiring writer:

“I recognized that when it comes to artistic or creative endeavors, I had internalized a fixed mindset. I believed that people were inherently artistic or creative, and that you could not improve through effort. This directly affected my life because I have always wanted to be a writer, but have been afraid to pursue an writing classes or to share my creative writing with others. This is directly related to my mindset because any negative criticisms would mean that I am not a writer inherently. I was too scared to expose myself to the possibility that I might not be a ‘natural.’

“Now, after listening to your lectures, I have decided to register for a creative writing class next term. And, I feel that I have really come to understand what was preventing me from pursuing an interest that has long been my secret dream. I really feel this information has empowered me!”

Maggie’s internal monologue used to say: “Don’t do it. Don’t take a writing class. Don’t share your writing with others. It’s not worth the risk. Your dream could be destroyed. Protect it.”

Now, it says: “Go for it. Make it happen. Develop your skills. Pursue your dream.”

And, here’s Jason, the athlete:

“As a student athlete at Columbia, I had exclusively the fixed mindset. Winning was everything and learning did not enter the picture. However, after listening to your lectures, I realized that this is not a good mindset. I’ve been working on learning while I compete, under the realization that if I can continually improve, even in matches, I will become a much better athlete.”

Jason’s internal monologue used to be: “Win. Win. You have to win. Prove yourself. Everything depends on it.”

Now, it’s: “Observe. Learn. Improve. Become a better athlete.”

And, finally, here’s Tony, the recovering genius:

“In high school, I was able to get top grades with minimal studying and sleeping. I came to believe that it would always be so because I was naturally gifted with a superior understanding and memory. However, after about a year of sleep deprivation, my understanding and memory began to not be so superior anymore. When my natural talents, which I had come to depend on almost entirely for my self-esteem (as opposed to my ability to focus, my determination, or my ability to work hard), came into question, I went through a personal crisis that lasted until a few weeks ago when you discussed the different mindsets in class. Understanding that a lot of my problems were the result of my preoccupation with proving myself to be “smart” and avoiding failures has really helped me get out of the self-destructive pattern I was living in.”

Tony’s internal monologue went from: “I’m naturally gifted. I don’t need to study. I don’t need to sleep. I’m superior.”

To: “Uh-oh, I’m losing it I can’t understand things. I can’t remember things. What am I now?”

To: “Don’t worry so much about being smart. Don’t worry so much about avoiding failures. That becomes self-destructive. Let’s start to study and sleep and get on with life.”

Of course, these people will have setbacks and disappointments, and sticking to the growth mindset may not always be easy. But just knowing it gave them another way to be. Instead of being held captive by some intimidating fantasy about the Great Writer, the Great Athlete, or the Great Genius, the growth mindset gave them courage to embrace their own goals and dreams. And, more important, it gave them a way to work toward making them real.

3. A Mindset Workshop

Adolescence, as we’ve seen, is a time when hordes of kids turn off to school. You can almost hear the stampede as they try to get as far from learning as possible. This is a time when students are facing some of the biggest challenges of their young lives, and a time when they are heavily evaluating themselves, often with a fixed mindset. It is precisely the kids with the fixed mindset who panic and run for cover, showing plummeting motivation and grades.

Over the past few years, we’ve developed a workshop for these students. It teaches them the growth mindset and how to apply it to their schoolwork. Here is part of what they’re told:

“Many people think of the brain as a mystery. They don’t know much about intelligence and how it works. When they do think about what intelligence is, many people believe that a person is born either smart, average, or dumb—and stays that way for life. But, new research shows that the brain is more like a muscle—it changes and gets stronger when you use it. And scientists have been able to show just how the brain grows and gets stronger when you learn.”

We then describe how the brain forms new connections and “grows” when people practice and learn new things:

“When you learn new things, these tiny connections in the brain actually multiply and get stronger. The more that you challenge your mind to learn, the more your brain cells grow. Then, things that you once found very hard or even impossible—seem to become easy. The result is a stronger, smarter brain.”

We go on to point out that nobody laughs at babies and says how dumb they are because they can’t talk. They just haven’t learned yet. We show students pictures of how the density of brain connections changes during the first years of life as babies pay attention, study their world, and learn how to do things.

Over a series of sessions, through activities and discussions, students are taught study skills and shown how to apply the lessons of the growth mindset to their studying and their schoolwork.

Students love learning about the brain, and the discussions are very lively. Let’s revisit Jimmy, the hard-core turned-off student from chapter 3. In our very first workshop, we were amazed to hear him say with tears in his eyes: “You mean I don’t have to be dumb?”

You may think these students are turned off, but I saw that they never stop caring. Nobody gets used to feeling dumb. Our workshop told Jimmy, “You’re in charge of your mind. You can help it grow by using it in the right way.” And, as the workshop progressed, here is what Jimmy’s teacher said about him:

“Jimmy, who never puts in any extra effort and often doesn’t turn in homework on time, actually stayed up late working for hours to finish an assignment early so I could review it and give him a chance to revise it. He earned a B+ on the assignment (he had bee getting C’s and lower).”

Incidentally, teachers weren’t just trying to be nice to us by telling us what we wanted to hear. The teachers didn’t know who was in our growth-mindset workshop. This was because we had another workshop, too. This workshop met just as many times, and taught them even more study skills. And, students got just as much personal attention from supportive tutors. But, they didn’t learn the growth mindset and how to apply it.

Teachers didn’t know which of their students went to which of the workshops, but they still singled out Jimmy and many of the students in the growth-mindset workshop to tell us that they’d seen real changes in their motivation to learn and improve:

“Lately, I have noticed that some students have a greater appreciation for improvement … R. was performing below standards … He has learned to appreciate the improvement from his grades of 52, 46, and 29 to his grades of 67 and 71 … He valued his growth in learning Mathematics.”

“M. was far below grade level. During the past several weeks, she has voluntarily asked for extra help from me during her lunch period in order to improve her test-taking performance. Her grades drastically improved from failing tot an 84 on the most recent exam.”

“Positive changes in motivation and behavior are noticeable in K. and J. They have begun to work hard on a consistent basis.”

“Several students have voluntarily participated in peer tutoring sessions during their lunch periods or after school. Students such as N. and S. were passing when they requested the extra help and were motivated by the prospect of sheer improvement.”

We were eager to see whether the workshop affected students’ grades, so, with their permission, we looked at students’ final marks at the end of the semester. We looked especially at their math grade, since these reflected real learning of challenging new concepts.

Before the workshops, students’ math grades had been suffering badly. But, afterward, lo and behold, students who’d been in the growth mindset workshop showed a jump in their grades. They were now clearly doing better than the students who’d been in the other workshop.

The growth-mindset workshop—just eight sessions long—had a real impact. This one adjustment of students’ beliefs seemed to unleash their brain power and inspire them to work and achieve. Of course, they were in a school where the teachers were responsive to their outpouring of motivation, and were willing to put in the extra work to help them learn. Even so, these findings show the power of changing mindsets.

The students in the other workshop did not improve. Despite their eight sessions of training in study skills and other good things, they showed no gains Because they were not taught to think differently about their minds, they were not motivated to put the skills into practice.