All About You — Day 3: Childhood Happiness

Friday, July 25th 2008 by Shanel Yang         Email this article to a friend

[For “Day 2: Big 5 Personality Test,” click here.]

ALL ABOUT YOU — DAY 3:

CHILDHOOD HAPPINESS

Before you ever experienced the events you listed on your top 10 lists, and before you developed the five major personality traits you discovered you currently have from the big 5 personality test, you were, in the beginning, a very young child.

And, as a child, most of us didn’t spend much time thinking about what we loved or what we would like to do with the rest of our lives; we just did what we loved whenever we had the chance!

We may not have even realized we loved what we were doing because we were having too much fun doing it, lost in the sheer joy of of enjoying it, completely in the present, without hardly a thought about anything that had happened before or anything that would happen after. In fact, we often lost track of time altogether whenever we entered that magical, utterly happy state of doing what we loved.

YOUR CHILDHOOD HAPPINESS

Answer the following questions in writing and with as much detail as you can recall. Then, repeat: for every major change of your favorite activities throughout your life. Take at least 15 minutes. But, you can, of course, take as long as you wish.

1. What is your earliest happy childhood memory?
2. What were you doing?
3. Who was there with you, if anyone?
4. Where were you?
5. How old were you?
6. What about that made you happy?
7. Why did you stop doing that?
8. Would it make you happy now if you could do (more of) that today?
9. If “no” to No. 8, why not?
10. If “yes” to No. 8, why aren’t you doing (more of) that today?

B. SAMPLE ANSWERS

Last year, my boyfriend and I were brainstorming ways to get out of the rat race—yet again. We typically did this every few months. We were both sick of the corporate world but weren’t at all sure of what else we could realistically do for a living. We kept hearing the same advice from every source we trusted that in order to succeed at anything you have to absolutely love what you do. It was obvious that neither one of us loved being corporate employees. In fact, it was much easier to think of all the things we clearly would not love doing than to think of anything viable that we would totally love doing—until we performed the above exercise.

Then, suddenly, the clouds lifted; and, it all became so clear! I know a lot of you are similarly trapped in jobs and careers you don’t love mostly because you don’t know what else to pursue because you haven’t yet realized what it is that you absolutely love. Well, this is how to find out. And, this is what we learned.

1. My Boyfriend

4 - 12 yrs. old: Loved designing and building playhouses in his backyard using only the scrap materials leftover from his dad’s various remodeling projects. He loved the challenge of building his own original designs (which he leisurely allowed to come to him in bits and pieces as he continued to work on each project), then enjoying the finished product for a while and inviting the neighborhood kids over to play in it with him, and, finally, carefully pulling it apart again to build his next exciting new design on the same spot. That was his favorite activity during his earliest formative years.

12 - 14 yrs. old: Loved playing soccer because he was seen as a good player.

14 - 18 yrs. old: Loved designing and building go-carts, bicycles, and motor bikes.

22 - 26 yrs. old: Loved building models of architectural designs for school projects and designing and building parts of his sister’s house, e.g., the chimney and railings.

26 - 28 yrs. old: Loved being the office expert on how to use design illustration software. He also loved earning a big income and saving most of it because he lived at his parents’ home. Finally, he also loved learning new things at job sites.

28 - 31 yrs. old: In graduate school, he loved learning about the other students’ ideas, designing and building models for class projects, and all his free time.

32 - 36 yrs. old: Loved designing and building parts of his dad’s apartment; learning new skills as a kitchen installer’s assistant; learning about creative architectural projects from an eccentric architect and about his fascinating ideas and lifestyle; designing and applying for city permits for four different designs for two houses; and, finally, designing and building an unusual roof repair on a commercial property.

Analysis: Based on nothing more than his answers to the simple question, “What is the earliest memory you have of doing something you truly loved?” (and by repeating that question for every major life change leading to the present), I was able to see the pattern that had been there all along—that not even he could see, even after he had answered all my questions. To me, it was clear that he loved:

a. Being in charge of his projects
b. Designing useful/cool spaces/stuff through trial and error
c. Seeing/enjoying the finished product from his designs
d. Learning new skills from an expert
e. Being an expert and teaching others
f. Flex schedules or flexible free time
g. Enough income to amass big savings

Based on the above criteria, he would love to be a developer/builder/landlord of one or two small apartment buildings, at the most. That way, he can perform repairs/remodels largely by himself with the need for only occasional help from specialists and still be able to design and plan all the work himself. So, that’s his ultimate dream—the promise of which fill him with great happiness—enough to give him all the motivation he needs to work hard and save enough to finally live it.

2. Myself

3 - 5 yrs. old: Loved playing pretend adult with bowls and spoons; making up stories for paper dolls on the back of my writing tablets; watching cartoons (the more fantastic, outrageous, heroic, or tragic, the better, such as Kimba the White Lion and Speed Racer), Little Rascals over Our Gang (especially when they dressed up and acted like glamorous adults), and to a far lesser extent The Three Stooges

6 - 7 yrs. old: Loved daydreaming; playing pretend adult fishermen, explorers or detectives, or teen superstars, with sisters and neighborhood kids; watching almost anything on TV, except news and talk shows; cartoons, Japanese monster movies, horror films, and musicals; arts and crafts (ribbon fish mobiles; origami frogs; crayon and water color drawings/paintings; crocheting, weaving, and paper flowers; drawing cartoon cells of The Giving Tree; making God’s Eyes; and anything else with colorful yarn, tissue paper, or construction paper); coloring books; memorizing poems and repetitive songs like “The 12 Days of Christmas”; pretending to be a spy and acting out The Old Testament (two different favorite games) with my best friend; listening to and watching that same best friend tell and illustrate outrageous, funny stories on the tiny blackboard in her garage; dancing at the Cinco de Mayo celebration wearing huge colorful paper flowers that we made

8 - 16 yrs. old: Loved TV (Schoolhouse Rock; I Love Lucy; Twilight Zone; The Donny and Marie Show; Charlie’s Angels; Starsky & Hutch); holiday specials, especially the completely animated ones; doodling hundreds of pictures of pretty flowers, cute animals, and beautiful women; reading fairy tales, young adult novels, mysteries (especially Agatha Christie), and horror/suspense (especially Stephen King); listening to pop music and disco dancing; choreographing dances to popular songs for my sisters and their friends; making paper dolls and dozens of fashionable outfits for each of them for my sisters and their friends; making up stories (especially romantic kids’ stories starring my sisters and their friends to entertain them); attempting my own novel (girl and her dog adventure story) and a separate book project (big feel good extended family story) co-authored with a friend

17 - 26 yrs. old: Loved dancing, skiing, restaurants, movies, and amusement parks (especially Disneyland); escaping to the relative haven, privacy, and freedom of my first car (brown Chevy Chevette); history, philosophy, psychology (especially developmental and abnormal psychology), literature and creative writing; long, meandering conversations about the meaning of life, love, religion, and philosophy; zooming around UCLA in my second car (black BMW 325es) as if that made me cool

27 - 40 yrs. old: Still loved dancing, skiing, hiking, restaurants, movies, and Disneyland; but, really began a tragic love affair with fashion, style, and shopping; also, began to love counter-culture classics in literature (On the Road; Tropic of Capricorn; Naked Lunch) and branched out into independent/foreign films; increasing fear of, yet fascination with, serial killers; writing poetry, essays, and parts of novels and screenplays; my first business venture; weightlifting and bodybuilding; self help books about health, relationships, and personal finance; breaking free from any negative constraints related to my career, family, or friends

It’s always harder to analyze yourself. My boyfriend listened to my answers and basically came up with these things I need in my job/career to really love it:

a. Being in charge of myself and no one else
b. Constant self-learning and teaching others
c. Sharing useful, especially hard to find, information
d. Telling or writing inspiring or amusing stories
d. Using my hands and body to express myself
e. Creative self-expression and clear communication
f. Help others to “fish” so they can eat for a lifetime
g. Earn enough to implement all my new ideas

It’s obvious to see why I have always loved the idea of becoming either a teacher or a writer. Yet, I’ve also always been equally reluctant to subject myself to the bureaucracy of schools or to risk ending up as a starving artist. So, under the mistaken assumption that lawyers get to do enough of both teaching useful information and creative writing to satisfy my needs, I opted for the “safe” career path of a lawyer. As things turned out, however, there was very little opportunity for either of these two major passions of mine in my line of legal work. Thankfully, and as a result of my doing this exercise of figuring out what my happiness has consisted of since childhood, I was able to recognize in blogging—when I first learned about it last year—the marriage of my career aspirations made in heaven!

TO BE CONTINUED …

This is going to be an adventurous journey into our past, present, and future lives. None of us can be prepared for what we might find along the way. So, just sit back and enjoy the ride! Also, I hope at least some of you brave souls will share your answers, insights, and revelations in the comments below for everyone’s benefit!

When you’re done, collect your answers and keep them in a safe place. I recommend a diary. It makes a precious gift to someone you love, especially you!

[For “Day 4: Childhood Traumas,” click here.]

[For entire “All About You!” series, click here.]

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[For “200 Happiness Quotes,” click here.]

[For “100 Blessings Quotes,” click here.]

[For all posts about different QUOTES, click here.]

[For “10 Reasons to Keep a Diary,” click here.]

[For “20 Questions for Your Diary,” click here.]

[For “Requests for Cuckoo in Your Nest!,” click here.]

[For “How to Be an Extrovert,” click here.]

[For “My 10 Commandments,” click here.]

[For “Fan Your Inner Flame Till It Burns Bright,” click here.]

[For “Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life,” click here.]

[For “10 Harmful Thoughts,” click here.]

[For “50 Negative v. Positive Thoughts,” click here.]

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