All About You — Day 1: Your Top 10 Lists

Monday, July 21st 2008 by Shanel Yang         Email this article to a friend

[For “All About You!” introduction, click here.]

ALL ABOUT YOU — DAY 1:

YOUR PERSONALIZED TOP 10 LISTS

You really can tell a lot about people by their “top 10 lists.” That’s the point of this first exercise—to find out what you think were the most important moments of your life and the most influential people in your life.

First, take a few minutes to complete each of the top 10 lists below. Then, read my analysis of my own top 10 lists and how my top picks have influenced and impacted my life—and continue to today. See if you can, in a similar fashion, draw as many significant insights as you can from your own top 10 lists.

If you would like my input/opinions on how to analyze your top 10 lists, just share them in the comments below and I would be more than happy to do that for you!

A. YOUR TOP 10 LISTS

List your top 10 choices for each of the following top 10 lists. (I listed mine, more or less, chronologically from earliest to latest life events/memories. For the heroes and quotes lists, I listed my favorites in the order of importance to me.)

1. 10 Best Moments in Life
2. 10 Proudest Moments in Life
3. 10 Best Decisions Ever Made
4. 10 Most Difficult Achievements
5. 10 Best Influences (Personally Known)
6. 10 Best Heroes (Real People)
7. 10 Favorite Inspiring Movies
8. 10 Favorite Inspiring Books
9. 10 Worst Decisions or Biggest Regrets
10. 10 Best Moments to Come

B. MY TOP 10 LISTS

10 Best Moments in Life

It’s hard to define what “best” means when you think back on all the good times in your life. But, I went with the ones I remember most fondly for, either, just being happy to be alive because of whatever fun thing I was doing at the time, or being ecstatic because something unbelievably amazing had just happened to me.

1. Spending time with my best friends doing just about anything.
2. Any arts and crafts throughout elementary and junior high schools.
3. Any form of dancing just about anywhere, doing it and watching it.
4. Reading, listening to, and telling stories about people, real or fiction.
5. Playing games that involved a lot of role playing and imagination.
6. Making homemade paper dolls and designing their glamorous fashions.
7. Watching TV shows and films about how people resolve problems.
8. Reading, watching, and listening to songs about admirable people.
9. Getting good grades, praise, awards, or other positive recognition.
10. Achieving something I feared I couldn’t and others swore I wouldn’t.

Analysis: I think you can see patterns emerging in my choices that are pretty good clues to my personality traits. If you knew nothing else about me and saw my above top 10 list of best moments in my life, would you guess that I’m an introvert? All my favorite activities are typically done alone or, at most, with a few people.

10 Proudest Moments in Life

1. Hiking to the top of the Half Dome against the odds at age 17.
2. Receiving the acceptance letter to UCLA at age 20.
3. Receiving the acceptance letter to UCLA Law School at age 23.
4. Cross-exam and closing in a criminal trial in Alaska at age 27.
5. Reviews of my students incarcerated at Camp David Gonzales at age 28.
6. Taking control of my life back from my family at age 37.
7. Receiving my first 6-figure salary at age 39.
8. Enduring a punishing work schedule for a year at ages 39 - 40.
9. Finally breaking free from all abusive relationships by age 41.
10. Pursuing my dream to write/teach starting with blogging at age 42.

Analysis: It’s funny, but if I had filled out this list just two years ago, there are a lot of moments that would have been on it that just didn’t make the cut today. I used to be proud of various “impressive” achievements in my legal career. But, none of that matters too much to me anymore. (I actually thought about throwing out all my bulky perma-plaqued diplomas and certificates when I was decluttering my home about a month ago. My boyfriend talked me into keeping them for at least another year “just in case.” I’m not sure what could happen that would make me go back to law, but I suppose anything is possible. So, I stored them away for now.)

The point is the items that would have been on this list back then would have revealed the closed-to-experience and mostly agreeable/cooperative personality traits that I used to have (as opposed to the open-to-experience and at least partially independent/competitive personality traits that I now have)—both of which contributed heavily to my dragging my feet on pursuing my true passions.

10 Best Decisions Ever Made

Here, I interpreted “best life decisions” to mean the decisions that have had the most long term positive impact on my life. I listed them in chronological order.

1. Promise to self at age 17 to learn/do all I need to get as far possible in life.
2. Resist suicidal tendencies during and since profound depression at age 17.
3. Emotional release through hours of dancing, diarying, reading, and TV/films.
4. Transfer to UCLA at age 20 so I could finally move out of my parents’ home.
5. Stop going to parents’ church and begin studying religion at UCLA at age 20.
6. Refuse to enter sham marriage with stranger for parents’ benefit at age 23.
7. After parents disowned me—yet again—take out student loans at age 23.
8. Refuse to work at Dad’s welding business to focus on law school at age 24.
9. Protect myself from everyone who abuses my generous nature at age 41.
10. Leave law to pursue lifelong desire to become a writer/teacher at age 42.

Analysis: This list reveals my change in personality trait from more agreeable/ cooperative to more independent/competitive; and, I don’t think that’s a bad thing for someone who was as focused on helping others as excessively I was.

The only reason I backed out of marrying a total stranger (my dad showed me a small photo of the guy; scary!; a hardened face with a big, ugly knife scar down one of his cheeks that Dad said he got in some fight) for my parents is a concerned cousin confided in me that they apparently had no intention of letting me treat it as a sham marriage and my mom even bragged to him that I’d soon be giving her grandchildren. When I confronted my mom with this information, she (and, I’ll always be grateful for us) exhibited a rare moment of complete honesty and asked me, in essence, “What would be so bad about being married, having children, and running your dad’s business as your own someday? You’ll always have a steady place to work, and you’ll be helping out your parents who sacrificed everything for you. It’s such a little thing for you to do! You can’t at least do that for us?”

I asked her, “What about law school? You promised to let me become a lawyer.”

She replied, “Your dad says that’s all a waste of time. You could have everything you want if you work at the shop. You’re the only one who can run it. Your sisters are useless. Then when your dad and I are gone, it’ll all be yours.”

I was in shock. Then, something else occurred to me.

One point that I had asked about many times when I had very reluctantly agreed to do it was her repeated, emphatic assurances that I don’t ever have to have sex with him though I understood that I would for a while have to live with him for a while for appearances. (I hadn’t even had any boyfriends yet, thanks to my parents’ strict upbringing. I was still a virgin; and, far from being curious about sex, I was very much afraid of it due to my dad’s, his employees’, and our lower-income neighborhood boys’ and men’s aggressively lascivious conduct I witnessed during my formative years.) So, I asked her, “What if he rapes me?”

She got annoyed and said, “Don’t be ridiculous! A man can’t rape his wife!”

10 Most Difficult Achievements

1. Hiking to the top of the Half Dome and back in one day at age 17.
2. Graduating from UCLA at age 24 after 6 years of starts and stops.
3. Graduating from UCLA Law School at age 29 after 3 false starts.
4. Giving everything I could to my family, selflessly, until age 29.
5. Studying for the Bar Exam and passing it the first time at age 29.
6. Staying in the legal profession (except for No. 7) for over 10 years.
7. Starting my first business at age 34 and making a lot of mistakes.
8. Learning about true love and friendships through trial and error.
9. Learning how to survive and then thrive in the corporate world.
10. Finally paying off all my “bad” debts and learning to live frugally.

Analysis: This top 10 list isn’t so much about discovering your personality traits as it is about reminding yourself of all the tremendously difficult achievements you’ve accomplished. It’s very important that, whenever you think you can’t do something now or in the future, you remind yourself of all the crazy hard stuff you’ve already done in your life with such fewer resources (information, experience, money, support, etc.) than you have now. So, you can handle it; and, you can do it!

10 Best Influences (Personally Known)

1. My best friend in the 2nd grade. An intense, free spirit with a huge heart!
2. My best friends in the 5th through 7th grades. All gentle and kind souls.
3. My best friend in the 10th grade. Funloving, yet grounded, my anchor.
4. My best friend at church from ages 16 to 21. Philosopher, poet, dreamer.
5. My first boyfriend in law school. Best mix of introvert and extrovert ever!
6. My first real therapist who convinced me to love myself first and most.
7. My corporate coach who convinced me there are always better options.
8. My worst relationship ever because I had to get that out of my system.
9. My dad because, with his life, he taught me almost all the things not to do.
10. The love of my life who makes me feel like we can accomplish anything!!

Analysis: These are the people who have touched our lives in profound ways, informing and influencing our world views, major life decisions, and, ultimately, our personalities. Who we listen to, and whose advice we actually follow, says a lot about who we really are. Not all of the influential people in our lives were positive influences at the time. Only through considerable reflection, over time, can the overall impact of any one person’s influence on our lives be truly understood.

10 Best Heroes (Real People)

1. Oprah Winfrey
2. J. K. Rowling
3. Suze Orman
4. Lance Armstrong
5. Bruce Lee
6. Napoleon Hill
7. Dale Carnegie
8. Andrew Carnegie
9. Thomas Edison
10. Steve Jobs

Analysis: I chose these 10 because each of them (except, arguably, Bruce Lee) were poor to start out with and struggled against crazy odds (including Bruce Lee) to carve out a unique niche for themselves, touching millions of people in the process, and leave their mark on the world forever. Pick heroes that you would have liked to have as your childhood best friends, then study them until you almost feel as if they had been. This way, you can benefit from their indomitable spirit.

10 Favorite Inspiring Movies

1. Kill Bill vol. 1 (2003) and 2 (2004)
2. Touching the Void (2003)
3. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
4. Thelma & Louise (1991)
5. Closet Land (1991)
6. La Femme Nikita (1990)
7. Music Box (1989)
8. Flashdance (1983)
9. An Officer and a Gentleman (1982)
10. How To Marry A Millionaire (1953)

Analysis: Movies are surprisingly effective at evoking every strong human emotion. If you can find movies that inspire you to push yourself beyond your comfort zone to achieve all your dreams—or to endure hardships and keep hope alive when all seems lost—then, by all means, keep those movies handy and watch them often!

10 Favorite Inspiring Books

1. Alice in Wonderland (1865)
2. The Little Prince (1943)
3. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1943)
4. The Fountainhead 5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1962)
6. The Giving Tree (1964)
7. Into the Wild (1996)
8. Seabiscuit: An American Legend (2001)
9. The Last American Man (2002)
10. Capote: A Biography (2005)

Analysis: The heroes that you connect to in both movies and books say a lot about you. Though it’s not as easy to read a book as it is to watch a movie, keeping your favorite inspiring books around to crack them open now and again to review some favorite passages does wonders to keep you on your path to your own happiness.

10 Worst Decisions or Biggest Regrets

1. Letting my dad convince me that I wasn’t smart enough.
2. Letting my dad convince me that I wasn’t attractive enough.
3. Letting my dad convince me that I wasn’t talented at anything.
4. Letting my mom convince me that I wasn’t a good daughter.
5. Letting my mom and sisters convince me that I wasn’t a good sister.
6. Not believing the teachers who told me I was smart, talented, and good.
7. Not believing my friends who said I was smart, attractive, talented, and good.
8. Staying in bad friendships/relationships just to have friends/relationships.
9. Everything I wanted but didn’t really attempt because I was too afraid to fail.
10. Getting into huge debt b/c I should be able to afford it since I was a lawyer.

Analysis: Notice how I don’t blame the others but accept responsibility for letting them influence me in negative ways? That’s a very important distinction because it puts the power back into my hands to change these things that were seriously hindering my progress toward all the things I want for myself, and, thus, happiness.

10 Best Moments to Come

1. Write 10 world-famous bestsellers (self help books and novels)
2. Be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show and Suze Orman Show
3. Book tours and speaking engagements around the world
4. The Shanel Yang Show helping millions with Easy Steps to Success on TV
5. Set up Easy Steps Foundation for disadvantaged “at-risk” children
6. Open Easy Steps to Success School for disadvantaged “at-risk” children
7. Write my memoirs and donate all proceeds to the Foundation
8. Sell movie rights to my life and donate all proceeds to the Foundation
9. Retirement with my current boyfriend, a garden, a puppy, and a kitten
10. Leave all to the Foundation after enjoying 120 amazing years of life!

Analysis: This top 10 list used to be filled with such short-sighted goals as “size 4 dress” and “job promotion,” or too-vague goals such as “job security” and “financial security.” Anyway, nothing too exciting. But, now that I believe with all my heart that “your thoughts create your destiny,” I dare to think really big thoughts because I want the 10 Best Moments to Come I listed above to be my destiny.

TO BE CONTINUED …

This is going to be an adventurous journey into our past, present, and future lives. None of us can be prepared for what we might find along the way. So, just sit back and enjoy the ride! Also, I hope at least some of you brave souls will share your answers, insights, and revelations in the comments below for everyone’s benefit!

When you’re done, collect your answers and keep them in a safe place. I recommend a diary. It makes a precious gift to someone you love, especially you!

[For “Day 2: Big 5 Personality Test,” click here.]

[For entire “All About You!” series, click here.]

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[For “10 Reasons to Keep a Diary,” click here.]

[For “20 Questions for Your Diary,” click here.]

[For “Requests for Cuckoo in Your Nest!,” click here.]

[For “How to Be an Extrovert,” click here.]

[For “My 10 Commandments,” click here.]

[For “Fan Your Inner Flame Till It Burns Bright,” click here.]

[For “Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life,” click here.]

[For more “Easy Steps to Success with People,” click here.]