All About You!

Friday, July 18th 2008 by Shanel Yang         Email this article to a friend

This blog is called Easy Steps to Success. So, now, I want to start something that makes good on that tall promise by introducing a new series called “All About You!”

This “All About You!” series consists of 30 steps, taken one by one, over the next 30 days, that will let you answer the 3 most important questions for success in life:

1. Who are you?
2. What do you want?
3. How will you get it?

If you can’t answer these three questions without taking a lot of time to think about it—and, even then, your answer ends with a big, fat “I’m just not sure about any of that yet”—then why don’t you come along with me on this incredible journey into self discovery that will lead you finally to the correct path for your future success? What do you have to lose? The next 30 days are going to pass quickly enough, anyway, whether you do this or not. Why not give it a shot?

A. WHO ARE YOU?

“Who are you?” Why is this question so important? Don’t we all know who we are? And, isn’t it annoying when people answer questions with more questions? ; )

There are many ways to answer this question, depending on the circumstances. But, what we’re looking for, specifically, here, are these 5 personality traits:

1. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
2. Are you open or closed to new experiences?
3. Are you more conscientious/responsible or spontaneous/impulsive?
4. Are you more agreeable/cooperative or independent/competitive?
5. Are you more serene/optimistic or neurotic/pessimistic?

B. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Notice the questions isn’t “What do you need?” but “What do you want?” Your answer to the first question, “Who are you?,” will largely influence your answer to this question. By definition, an introvert will not want the same things that an extrovert wants, and vice versa, and so on for each of the 5 personality traits.

1. Needs Must Be Satisfied before Wants

American psychologist and father of humanistic psychology, Abraham Maslow, in 1943, published his world-famous “hierarchy of needs” in his paper A Theory of Human Motivation. He actually uses the word “need” to include “want.” However, for the purposes of this “All About You!” series (as well as in my general use), I prefer to stick to the plain English meaning of “need” as something necessary for survival, or at least a moderately comfortable existence (a “need-to-have”), and “want” as anything we desire beyond those bare necessities (a “want-to-have”).

Maslow taught that we must satisfy our most basic survival needs (e.g., oxygen, water, food, and sleep) before we can even think about our safety and security needs (e.g., health, money, and protection from crime). And, until we have satisfied all of our safety and survival needs, we can’t even think about our social needs (e.g., friendship, sexual intimacy, and a loving/nurturing/supportive family). After we have satisfied our social needs, we next must satisfy our esteem needs (self-esteem, self-respect, others’ respect, and our respect of others).

When all of our needs are met, our wants can finally be addressed: knowledge (education/learning, intelligence, understanding, wisdom); creativity and spontaneity (especially in solving problems); excellence (striving to constantly improve ourselves and/or the world around us, becoming the best that we can be); and morality (deeply held beliefs about how we choose to live our lives).

2. Are Your Needs Being Met?

I’ll assume your basic survival needs (e.g., oxygen, water, food, and sleep) are being met. But, how are your safety and security needs?

a. Are you happy with your physical (includes emotional and mental) health?
b. Are you living up to your own standards in terms of diet and exercise?
c. Are you fit enough to do the things you want to do?
d. Do you live/work in a reasonably safe neighborhood?
e. Have you achieved an enjoyable standard of living?
f. Have you realized your own personal dream in terms of your home?
g. Have you planned for your retirement?

What about your social and esteem needs? Are they being met?

a. Do your friends add to your happiness?
b. Do you have at least one person you can be yourself around?
c. Have you realized your own personal dream in terms of your family?
d. Do you enjoy your work?
e. Are you making a contribution to society through your work?
f. Are you living up to your potential through your work?
g. Do you have hobbies that make you feel good about yourself?

3. Are Your Wants Being Satisfied?

a. Did you accomplish the educational goals you set for yourself?
b. Are you still growing and learning?
c. Do you invest in continuing your education on a regular basis?
d. Have you ever articulated your personal beliefs and values?
e. Are you living up to those beliefs and values?
f. Is religion/philosophy/spirituality important to you?
g. If not, are you happy with your relationship with the universe?

C. HOW WILL YOU GET IT?

Depending on your answers to the first two questions “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” it becomes much easier to plan the best course for you, as opposed to anyone else, to get to where you want to eventually end up, starting from where you are now. For example, if you want a life partner and you are an extrovert, then large social gatherings for general merriment is a great place to meet your potential mate. However, if you are an introvert, smaller, quiet groups focused on, say, one of your favorite hobbies, would be a better fit for you.

The best advice and “how to” tips in the world won’t do you an ounce of good if it goes against the grain of your own current personality traits. This is not to say that you can’t eventually change at least some of the above 5 major personality traits. I, for one, was able to change from being closed to new experiences to being open to them; from preferring living by other people’s rules to making my own; from being more cooperative to being more competitive; and from being more pessimistic to more optimistic. I was even able to change myself, at least on the outside, from being an introvert into an extrovert. See “How to Be an Extrovert.”

TO BE CONTINUED …

This is going to be an adventurous journey into our past, present, and future lives. None of us can be prepared for what we might find along the way. So, just sit back and enjoy the ride! Also, I hope at least some of you brave souls will share your answers, insights, and revelations in the comments below for everyone’s benefit!

When you’re done, collect your answers and keep them in a safe place. I recommend a diary. It makes a precious gift to someone you love, especially you!

[For “All About You — Day 1: Your Top 10 Lists,” click here.]

[For entire “All About You!” series, click here.]

Be sure to get the latest articles as soon as they’re posted by signing up here!

[For “10 Reasons to Keep a Diary,” click here.]

[For “20 Questions for Your Diary,” click here.]

[For “Requests for Cuckoo in Your Nest!,” click here.]

[For “How to Be an Extrovert,” click here.]

[For “My 10 Commandments,” click here.]

[For “Fan Your Inner Flame Till It Burns Bright,” click here.]

[For “Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life,” click here.]

[For more “Easy Steps to Success with People,” click here.]