50 Negative v. Positive Thoughts

Affirmations are statements asserting one’s belief in the truth of something.

We can use positive affirmations to challenge, correct, and tape over that nagging voice in our heads that keeps whispering outdated, non-fact- based negative statements in our ears literally thousands of times a day! (See “10 Harmful Thoughts.”)

For this article, I’ve drawn up on my own list of harmful thoughts from seven years ago and the positive ones I used to replace them, back then, to help me decrease both their frequency and strength. It took time, but reviewing this list often while I continued to struggle with love, family, work, and money issues eventually worked.

If you are suffering now as I did then, I hope you will use any of these that apply to you, or come up with your own, to help you exorcise your own harmful thoughts.

DISEMPOWER VAGUE NEGATIVITY BY CLEARLY EXPRESSING IT

In those days, I had so many negative thoughts, fears, beliefs, and insecurities swimming around in my head, I didn’t know what to do next. I realized I needed to know what all my worries were, sort them out, and test each of them for their validity. And, if they happened to be valid, meaning grounded in truth proving any of them were reasonable thoughts, fears, or insecurities, that I would do something positive to address each one. So I just let myself free associate and quickly typed out the below list of 50 statements with the letter “A” in front of the numbers.

That was the easy part. It was surprisingly cathartic just to get them all out of the murky waters of my mind and all in one place in print so I could stare at them with my own eyes. Somehow, on paper, they already seemed less menacing and overwhelming. I gazed at the list for a good, long time, just satisfied for the time being that there was nothing more to add: I had put a finite number on the beliefs/thoughts/feelings making me unhappy, and it was only 50! If that sounds like a lot, I have to tell you I felt certain till I did this that there must be at least 100!

Then, when I was finally done staring at the list in amazement at how broad they were, I began to go through each one and challenge the truth or usefulness of all of them. If they proved false, I came up with true, positive statements to replace them. Or, if they were open-ended worry statements, I came up with specific actions to address the worries head on. These counteracting statements—my positive affirmations—are listed below with the letter “B” in front of the numbers.

50 NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TURNED INTO POSITIVE THOUGHTS

A1. I don’t know what I want.

B1. Find out what you want.

A2. I want to be unconditionally loved.

B2. Accept that you will never be unconditionally loved.

A3. I want to be unconditionally accepted.

B3. Accept that you will never be unconditionally accepted.

A4. I want to give unconditional love but only to those who give it to me.

B4. Be glad that you never have to give unconditional love.

A5. I want to give unconditional acceptance but only to those who give it to me.

B5. Be glad that you never have to give unconditional acceptance.

A6. I am extreme.

B6. Make the most of your extreme nature. It’s your strength. Let others be moderate. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it.

A7. I feel inadequate.

B7. Feeling inadequate is the price of being extreme. Everybody feels inadequate sometimes. If you feel it too often, then work to change it.

A8. I feel unloved.

B8. You have no reason to feel unloved. The people who matter love you.

A9. I feel unaccepted.

B9. There’s no reason to feel unaccepted. The ones who matter accept you.

A10. I feel misunderstood.

B10. You are complex and difficult to understand. Make the most of it. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it. Honestly try to make yourself understood. You may need to understand yourself first. You may fear what you will find and fear that the people you love will reject you if they knew who you really are. But, you have nothing to fear. You are good, lovable, and worthy. If anyone rejects you for being you, then it was for the best; and, you will eventually find others who appreciate you exactly the way you are.

A11. I feel lost.

B11. Your constant search is what makes you feel lost, but you are actually on your way to finding the right path for you.

A12. I feel hateful.

B12. Your strong emotions, including occasionally hatred, is understandable, given your extreme nature. Make the most of it for the greatest good. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it.

A13. I feel like a freak.

B13. You are confusing being extreme with being a freak. Make the most of your extreme nature. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it.

A14. I feel unappreciated.

B14. People rarely appreciate what they can’t understand. It is a necessary price of the privilege of being different. Make the most of it. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it.

A15. I feel alone.

B15. You are alone in many ways. Be glad that you don’t run with the herd. But, there are others like you. More than you think. Go out and find them if you’re lonely. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it.

A16. I feel like an alien.

B16. There are others who feel like aliens. You are all beautiful anomalies in a sea of conformity. Or, if it makes you unhappy, work to change it.

A17. I feel desperate.

B17. These are desperate times, so it makes sense to feel desperate. Desperation is a great catalyst for actions that lead to positive changes.

A18. I am jaded.

B18. You lie. You are not jaded. You will never be jaded. Make the most of it.

A19. I am cynical.

B19. Cynicism is a defense mechanism. Instead, let yourself be afraid or sad, if it helps. Fear and sadness are more honest emotions. So, letting them express themselves without the facade of cynicism will help you identify the problems faster and, therefore, the solutions to them faster, too.

A20. I am confused.

B20. Confusion is understandable when everyone wants you to be someone else. Be yourself, and your confusion will lift like a fog as the sun comes out.

A21. I am pulled in all directions.

B21. Yes, you are. Make everyone stop. And follow your own path.

A22. I am ignored.

B22. Even if people act as though they are ignoring you, they are not.

A23. I am underestimated.

B23. You may be underestimated by some, even by those closest to you. But they still keep an eye on you because you always keep them guessing.

A24. I underachieve.

B24. Perhaps with your social life you have underachieved. With your career, you have not. Improve your social life.

A25. I overachieve.

B25. You only overachieve when you set goals. Make more realistic goals.

A26. I am never satisfied.

B26. Satisfaction is overrated. Keep working on yourself, and you will go far.

A27. I might get fired.

B27. You might and you might not. But worrying about it won’t help. Doing work and asking for feedback will.

A28. I have $155,000 in debts.

B28. Yes, you do. You are doing all you can to pay it off and succeeding.

A29. I am in an unhappy relationship.

B29. Yes, you are. But things will work themselves out one way or another. No use letting it affect your overall happiness or your work.

A30. I am 20 pounds overweight.

B30. Yes, you are. You are doing all you can to lose it and succeeding.

A31. I have puffy bags under my eyes.

B31. Yes, you do. You are getting plenty of sleep and eating well, so you’re doing everything you can to get rid of them. I believe you will succeed.

A32. I despise looking older.

B32. Good. This will motivate you to better habits and improved health.

A33. I no longer believe in love but don’t know what else to believe in.

B33. Believing in love was very harmful to you. Believe in yourself instead. You rarely let yourself down.

A34. I look at suicide as an easy way out.

B34. Always remember that outliving your problems is the best revenge.

A35. I want people to like me, even if I don’t like them.

B35. It’s normal to want people to like you even if you don’t like them.

A36. I have both low self-esteem and an overblown ego.

B36. Yes, you do. That’s all part of being extreme. Either make the most of it, or change it, if it makes you unhappy.

A37. If I get fired, I don’t know what I’ll do about my debts or with my career.

B37. You know you’ll manage and end up on top of everything somehow.

A38. I feel unattractive most of the time.

B38. Nevertheless, you are still attractive most of the time.

A39. I wonder if my best years have gone.

B39. Definitely your best years are yet to come.

A40. I want to be excellent at just one thing that is important to me.

B40. You are an excellent diarist, conversationalist, stylist, film critic, teacher, and friend. That’s six things off the top of my head.

A41. Making a lot of money is important to me.

B41. You are making close to six figures now. If you continue, you will be making today’s equivalent of half a million dollars by the time you’re fifty-five. You are make a lot of money. Especially, if you don’t spend it.

A42. Being attractive is very important to me.

B42. You have always been attractive. It’s time to finally accept this.

A43. Being liked is very important to me.

B43. You have always been liked. It’s time to finally accept this.

A44. I want to live out my childhood fantasy of total freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want with whomever I want.

B44. You can. Forget the naysayers. “Kick the can.” They can watch from the sidelines if they want. [This was a reference to an old Twilight Zone episode about how if you want something badly enough and believe you can have it, you will. An old man convinces a bunch of elderly folks in a retirement home to play a game of “kick the can” to not only feel young again but to be young. Only his old childhood friend is too sensible and skeptical to participate because he doesn’t want to loosen his firm grip on reality by indulging in foolish children’s games at his age. But he changes his mind—a few minutes too late—after the entire group is transformed before his eyes into laughing kids who sadly no longer recognize him.]

A45. I want to keep outdoing myself in my achievements.

B45. You are. When you feel complacent, pick up some new interest.

A46. I don’t bill enough hours.

B46. Bill enough hours at all costs, steadily. Making them up is too difficult and not worth the guilt, stress, unhappiness, loss of sleep, and depression.

A47. I don’t work steadily.

B47. Make work more fun by cutting it up into “bite-sized” pieces. Break it down into 50-minute increments. Do anything to bill nine hours each day.

A48. I don’t take my career seriously.

B48. Take it seriously. It’s the easiest way out of a financial mess. When you’re debts are paid off, you can do whatever you want. But, you have played all your “get out of jail free” cards in your career. Take it seriously.

A49. I am conflicted about my work.

B49. Resolve all conflicts in favor of taking your career seriously.

A50. I both want to succeed and am afraid to succeed.

B50. Your fear of success is phantom. You will not lose anything by becoming a successful lawyer, except your debts. Three and a half more years and you’ll be home free. By all means, take your career seriously.

PRESENT DAY MUSINGS ABOUT YESTERYEAR’S WORRIES

When I reread these now, I confess I am embarrassed about some of the items on the list, especially the ones that show how worried I was about my looks and being liked. But, I didn’t want to edit anything out in case those might be the very ones that speak to you if you happen to be experiencing similar self doubts right now.

The whole purpose of me starting this blog was to share my experiences—the good, the bad, and the ugly—to help others who might benefit from them. I’ve already talked about my terrible eighth grade year and how shameful that was for me. So, why should I hold back on the truth that I have always wanted to be attractive and liked? Maybe because society says that’s vain or needy. But, we all want these things. We just can’t admit it out loud for fear of being called superficial or shallow.

Well, I’m putting it out there. I want to be as attractive as possible for as long as possible—hopefully forever within the appropriate parameters for my age group—and I want to be liked by as many people as possible, but only if I can continue being exactly who I am. I still want to be me. Luckily, my idea of what is attractive is possible to achieve for most people. It starts and ends with self-confidence. And, as for people liking me, I think that has a lot to do with self-confidence, too. Coincidentally, self-confidence also helps us get the rest of the goodies in life, like a great career we actually love, the perfect partner to compliment us, the right friends that energize us instead of drain us, and so on.

And how do we get self-confidence? We learn to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are. But, to do that we have to first find out who that person is. So, I did a lot of journaling to find out who I was. Then, I sought to change everything about me that I didn’t like. After that, the magic started to happen—and it’s never stopped! My instincts grew strong enough for me to feel or intuit the right choices instead of focusing exclusively on the bottom line of a logical calculation that weighed nothing but the exact number of pros versus the exact number of cons to every important life decision. I began to ask myself whether certain changes made sense based on who I really am and, just as importantly, who I am really not.

CONCLUSION

Dare to find out what your negative thoughts are really saying to you. Make a list. Then, counter all of them with positive statements to either change what you don’t like, or accept what is actually good about you but you may have not realized it till now. For example, being different in any way was not such a great thing for me when I was growing up. But, as an adult, it was a real strength after all! I just hadn’t realized it and hadn’t yet adjusted my thinking about it. Then, when you’ve done that, refer to your list often to retrain your thoughts to be more accepting of the things you want to keep, and to work on the things you want to change. Be ready for big changes as the magic starts to happen. And, don’t forget to follow your heart (instincts) as well as your head (logic). Be awesome! Be your own hero!

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