How to Be an Extrovert
Why would an introvert want to be an extrovert? There are lots of reasons!
Don’t get me wrong. I love introverts! I was born one myself. And, I still love my solitude and usually prefer small parties to huge ballrooms full of people. (My boyfriend is one, too!)
But, when a new reader sent me a touching email a couple of weeks ago, I was reminded of just how important being an extrovert can be. For example, in my case, it saved my life.
In replying to his email, I began to retell that traumatic story from my youth. But, when it started to get too long, I decided to turn it into a blog article and share it with everyone instead.
In gratitude for the email that inspired this article, and with his express permission, I dedicate this post to, Eric Tsai, a new valued reader and an aspiring introvert.
Eric wrote that, of all the categories on my blog, he enjoys the “Easy Steps to Success with People” category best. Why? Because, as he explained, he often finds himself in awkward social situations and constantly works on improving his social skills. Then, he added, “One day I hope to be more extrovert and less introvert.” That part really touched me. I thought, “I know exactly how he feels!” Or, at least I used to before I was forced to become an extrovert. At least on the outside.
INTROVERTS v. EXTROVERTS
First, in what ways are introverts different than extroverts? Most people have a general understanding, but let’s use these definitions just to be clear:
1. Introvert: a shy person who enjoys time alone more than meeting new people or socializing in large groups of people; crowds drain their energy and cause them at least some anxiety while solitude and quiet reflection energizes them.
2. Extrovert: the opposite of a shy person; enjoys meeting new people and socializing in large groups; crowds energize and excite them while being alone makes them feel lonely, isolated, bored, and a bit stir crazy for company.
MY REPLY EMAIL TO ERIC AND POSTSCRIPT
Now, for that traumatic story from my youth. I tried to frame it in a sufficiently positive light for this post, but strangely the words would not come. In fact, just struggling with that effort for days left me discouraged and dejected. So much so that I emailed Eric and apologized that I had decided not to write about this topic after all because it was just too painful. But then I realized this topic is just too important not to write about it, even if it still hurts me to bring it back to life so vividly—maybe precisely because of this fact. So, to make it a little easier on myself (and to be able to complete this post at all), I’ve decided to simply share my entire reply email to Eric, which flowed out of me quite effortlessly at the time:
Hi Eric,
Thanks for your email! I very much appreciate your feedback and honesty.
I know what you mean about being introverted. I am naturally an introvert myself, but my parents literally forced me to act more extroverted to act as the family translator and intermediary to everyone in this new world. Still, it wasn’t until the 8th grade that I finally realized I had to completely change my personality to defend myself from an entire year of cruel teasing, shoving, and racist and sexist persecution by nearly an entire junior high school just because I got into a fight with a very popular female wannabe gangbanger named Monica just before the beginning of the school year only a few weeks after we had moved to that neighborhood. I was defending my little sister and her friends who were being bullied by Monica’s little brothers. Anyway, long story short, her friends made my life a living hell for that entire school year and the teachers were too afraid of them to do anything. I was new to the school and was only able to make a few friends, all social outcasts like myself. I’d had all I could take and begged my parents, in heaving tears, to let me go to another school, but they said we couldn’t afford it.
When that seemingly interminable school year finally ended—and since Monica and her closest friends would still be in junior high school while I would be going to the local high school—I vowed to use that year away from them to my best advantage by making as many friends as possible, the older the friends, the better! That way, she would at least have a fight on her hands if she ever made good the threat that she and her friends would “kick my ass after school.” Wow, this story is getting really long! I have an idea! I’ll write about this in a blog post and dedicate it to you since you inspired me to write about it. Hmm. Look for it next week because I just decided to post only 2 - 3 times a week to start teaching life lessons to junior high and high school students.
Good luck to you in all you do, and thanks for the great idea for next week’s blog post! Oh, in case you’re wondering what happened. I forced myself to become an extrovert (details of how I did that will be in the post b/c that would be too long for this email—which is already too long as it is!), became very popular in my new school, and when Monica and her cronies came to that same school the following year, they all acted as if they never even knew me. That, dear Eric, is the power of networking in action! Now I can turn it on and off. But, I do have to turn it off regularly to recharge my batteries, since it’s not my natural personality to be so bubbly. I have every confidence that you can learn to be as extroverted as you want or need. I’ll write all about it soon!
Warmest wishes,
Shanel
Here is the email I sent when I thought I couldn’t complete this article:
Hi Eric,
Just wanted to let you know I decided not to post the article b/c it ended up becoming too painful (even after all these years!) the more I worked on it. I hope you’ll understand. Thank you for the inspiration, though! Maybe in the future, I’ll be able to finish it and post it. I hope you’ll still find some of the upcoming articles just as helpful.
Warmest wishes,
Shanel
Well, Eric, as you can see, I’m going through with it. Now, for the rest of the story!
WHY THIS POST IS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME
Did I feel my life was threatened by Monica and her goons? Not exactly. (At least not any more than from my parents who always threatened to kill, first each other, then themselves, and sometimes to take us kids along with them to kingdom come.)
However, that year of feeling completely defenseless against the senseless bullying of a girl who was not only younger than me but also smaller, less attractive, and less intelligent than me—just because she had a whole lot more friends than I did with some of them strong enough leaders to turn the entire school against me—coupled with the fact that not even one single person was either willing or able to help me (not my peers in general, not my few friends who certainly sympathized but who were too afraid to back me up, and definitely not any adults—not even my own parents, teachers, bus drivers, and even casual onlookers who just laughed to see me literally pushed, pinched, and hit by various flying objects hurled at me—all of that sudden, horrible reality hitting me in such a short time led me, for the first time in my life, to seriously consider suicide as a viable option to end my misery.
I have studied in psychology that one difference between men and women in how they deal with depression and anger is that men tend to fantasize about killing other people and women tend to fantasize about killing themselves. Based on what I went through in my eighth grade, I can almost understand how those two boys who committed those atrocious crimes at Columbine High School must have felt. Of course, what they did was unthinkably shocking, selfish, cruel, and reprehensible in every way. I don’t condone or approve of any of it one iota. I’m just saying I understand the unbearable feelings of constant, intense, and unrelenting public rejection and humiliation that could push young, confused kids over the edge to act out crazy fantasies that they wouldn’t even imagine under normal circumstances.
BECOMING AN EXTROVERT ONE FRIEND AT A TIME
Picking up from where I left off in my reply email to Eric: Come hell or high water, I was going to make as many friends as possible from the very first day of my Freshman year in high school. Never mind that I had no friends, I was painfully shy, and that never before in my life had I actually tried to make any friends! The few friends I did have in my past just sort of happened to me. You know, the way little kids walk over to the new kid and ask her if she wants to play with them, and the new little girl shyly nods and follows them. Well, high school was nothing like that.
My high school was full of wannabe gangbangers, and the girls were way tougher than the guys. Not even the Cholos dared to tease the Cholas too much. If they did, they took their own lives into their hands! You so much as looked at one of them the wrong way, you’d be toast. But, luckily I’d already learned that the hard way, from Monica and her cronies. I was not about to make that mistake twice. If you piss off one of them, you’ve basically pissed off their whole family, all their friends and acquaintances, and everyone else who wants to jump onto the bully wagon, while the rest are too afraid to help you against that kind of mob mentality. This year was going to be different because I was going to make it different!
1. Take Action as Soon as You Can
On that first day of high school, I walked to the bus stop nice and early and waited. Either I was the first one there or there were only a few others standing around as yet. Then, the students began arriving in greater numbers. That’s when I really began studying people. Sizing them up as potential candidates to approach as valuable friends/allies and how best to do it. Some apparently knew each other well and excitedly shared stories about their summers, all the while laughing and having a good time. Others remained aloof, avoiding eye contact with everyone. (That would normally be me.) I tried to look nonchalant. But, I felt terrified.
As more friends gathered and chatted amongst themselves, I started having flashbacks of the year before. I was afraid that some of these kids I’d never even seen before might actually be part of Monica’s seemingly endless circle of allies, that they’d soon figure out who I was, and that they’d commence immediately to invade my nice, new, safe environment with the old, all-too-familiar torments.
There were no real opportunities to make friends at the bus stop on that first day as various cliques kept to themselves. A few stray individuals seemed contented with, or resigned to, their loner status. No one seemed to notice me, so I didn’t force myself on anyone. Instead, I was biding my time while secretly studying how my more gregarious peers interacted. Though I may have appeared the same shy girl I was the year before, the difference was that I was actively hunting for opportunities to jump in and make new friends with anyone who could help me.
2. Be Nice to Everyone But Focus on the Important Ones
As I climbed onto the bus, I did my usual quick scouring up and down the aisle for an empty seat. But, this time, I wasn’t looking for a completely empty seat; I wanted one that was half occupied with someone who could be a useful ally. Near the back of the bus, I spied a guy who seemed a bit older but harmless enough. He was pale, tall, and thin, with long blond hair and glasses. He was also wearing a tee-shirt with the Beatles on the front. I walked up to his seat and sat down.
It would have been nerdy of me to ask if the seat was taken. The unspoken rules of school bus etiquette—at least from what I learned the year before—was, if anyone wanted to save the seat next to them for a friend, or even if they just wanted to sit alone till the bus got too crowded, they’d either sit on the aisle seat of the 2-person bench seats or leave their books, jacket, or outstretched leg conspicuously draped across that seat if they preferred to sit in the window seat. But, even if they neglected to do any of that, they’d let you (and pretty much the whole bus) know, in no uncertain terms, that you were not welcome to sit there if you ever made the mistake of taking any old seat just because it was empty!
Before the bus started moving again, I swallowed my pride/fears/doubts and initiated the conversation. I pointed at his shirt front and bravely asked, “Who’s that?” He stared at me, genuinely stunned. “You’re kidding, right?”
I had imagined several possible reactions to my question, but that wasn’t one of them. I quickly searched my mind for a way to act as though I was just kidding or some other way to cover up my incredibly lame question. Nothing even remotely plausible came to mind, so I just went with the truth.
“No, I’m not kidding,” I finally answered with a weak smile, doing my best to hide my discomfort. “Who are they?” I asked again, as cheerfully as I could.
His shocked facial expression quickly melted into a broad smile. He was delighted to introduce me to his heroes, the Fabulous Four. It was so easy to just listen to him, nodding in appreciation and asking only a few questions whenever he referred to something I didn’t understand. Each time, he was flabbergasted. “You really never heard of that? That’s so hard to believe!” He shook his head in amazement.
Each time I did it, it became easier to admit it. “Honestly, I never have!” I realized ignorance can be a terrifically effective icebreaker. “But, I’m glad to be learning about it now. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with me.” Before I realized it, the 45-minute boring, bumpy bus ride that used to feel like an eternity was over in a flash! And, I had initiated my first friendship—with an upperclassman, no less.
After continuing this pattern of boldly initiating friendships with almost anyone who seemed either older than me or more popular than me, I pretty much knew the entire school (except for the truly hardcore Cholos and Cholas who mostly kept to themselves anyway). Even some teachers began to banter with me more like a friend than an authority figure after just a few months. I learned that making friends first with the most influential people you can is a highly efficient way to make friends with everybody. Most of my same-class peers only became interested in me after they noticed I was already friends with quite a few upperclassmen.
On the other hand, I tried very hard not to make any enemies and to be friendly to everyone. I never tested my friends’ loyalty or required anything of them other than what I was willing to freely give to them myself. Most of all, I never wanted to become the bully that Monica and her friends had been to me. In fact, when she and her buddies finally did arrive the following year, I could have given her a taste of her own medicine; but, I really couldn’t. They looked so little and so scared. Though I had dreamed often about sweet vengeance if and when they finally made good their promise to jump me and kick my ass after school, when I saw her eying me with, not mockery or contempt, but with fear, I had to let those fantasies go.
3. Smile, Introduce Yourself, and Ask Questions
With all the self-help advice on how to make friends, it seems strange that what worked for me was the most simple: smile, introduce yourself, and ask sincere questions. It still works for me today. If someone does not want to answer your sincere questions (however apparently lame they may seem as with my question about the Beatles on the guy’s shirt!), that person is not worth your time to get to know. Just move on. There are too many friendly, helpful, nice, fun, sociable, utterly delightful people to get to know in this world to waste your time on mean, selfish, insecure, grumpy, nasty, negative personalities. If you want more advice on making friends, there’s plenty in “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
4. Lead or Follow: Become Part of the Solution
After the introductions, getting to know them, and having most of your sincere questions about them and their interests answered, then what? How do you keep the friendships going strong? Everyone has problems. Become part of the solution to their problems. If they need you to lead or to offer advice, do the best that you can without lording it over them. If they want you to follow their lead or to listen to their problems without offering your advice, follow or listen without complaint and with compassion and sympathy. Be the kind of friend you want everyone to be to you without becoming a doormat in the process. Again, there are many great examples of how to do this in “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
5. Cool Clothes and Gadgets Attract Like-Minded Friends
The younger you are, the more important your clothes and gadgets are to attract the right crowd. Wear and carry the styles that are similar to the group you want to belong to. If you want to become a leader in such a group, you do have to shell out for the cost of that privilege. I think that’s why I became a fashion plate starting in high school. It’s a very easy way to attract the right kind of attention to you, but it can get very expensive. Luckily, my family was still living in a relatively poor neighborhood at the time, so one new pair of Jordache jeans and Vans tennis shoes were all I needed to stay sufficiently fashionable. Those were the days!
CONCLUSION
Is it worth becoming an extrovert? I have no regrets. Now, I have a choice. I can be outgoing when I need or want to; but, I am also very happy when I’m completely alone for even days on end. Not since the eighth grade have I felt unable to approach strangers and ask for their help if I think they can help me. It’s an incredibly empowering feeling to take care of your own needs in this way. Silence is a killer. Don’t keep it all bottled up. Be awesome! Be your own hero!
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June 20th, 2008 at 1:42 am
Wow. That’s a very inspiring post (I’m an introvert, and I learned a few things!) and I wanted to tell you that I love your blog and will be coming back when I can spend more time–right away I found about 20 things I want to read! So thanks for giving me some food for thought–can’t say I’ll run out to be an extrovert now, but I might try a few things anyhow!
June 20th, 2008 at 6:10 am
Hi, Carol! Thanks for your comment and feedback. I’m so pleased that you’re enjoying the blog and will be coming back! I’m also very excited for you if and when you do try a few new things! You won’t regret it if you look at the whole thing as part of a lifelong learning experience and keep in mind that if someone doesn’t want your friendship, that’s okay, too. When people are uptight, it’s about them and not you. It always helps me to think how I would react if someone approached me the way I approached them. If they are mean and nasty to me when I would have been nothing but happy or chat to help because of the way I asked for help or tried to strike up a conversation, then I know it’s a pretty good sign to just cross that person off my list of people worth troubling with. Again, welcome; and, hope you let me know what you think about the other 20 posts you plan to read!
June 20th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Considering that I see you commenting on every single blog that I write for and generally read - it’s hard to think of you as an introvert. =)
June 20th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
That’s the whole point of this article! I can do both, as needed or desired. : )
June 20th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
HI Shanel, another wonderful post. It’s always interesting and empowering reading about how you overcame your hardships and fears to lead a better social life, and life in general. Thanks always for your insight!
June 20th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hi Derek! Thanks so much for saying so! It’s always gratifying to hear such wonderful feedback from readers. Very much appreciate your taking the time!
June 20th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Shanel,
This was a very powerful post. Thanks for sharing your experiences in junior high that were so painful to retell.
It would be a surprise to many to know that being mocked, teased and bullied in school are not that unusual. While we were appalled at the Columbine massacre, those of us who have ever been bullied are ashamed of our secret understanding of how hurt, angry and those two kids must have been to have lashed out in that way.
The modern version of bullying is being played out on the Internet and is causing devastation for hundreds of targeted youngsters. Add to this racism and police profiling and you have very explosive situations.
I hope that many bullied youngsters can discover how to take charge of their lives and make the choices that not only make them safe, but make them wiser.
June 20th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Hi, Flora!
So good to hear from you again! Thank you for your very thoughtful comment. You make a great point about the internet being a fertile playground for bullies who like nothing better than to try to hurt innocent people with their random acts of meanness. Due to the anonymity of the internet, even some folks who would never think about doing or saying such terrible things in person stoop to unbelievable lows as in the case of the 49-year-old Missouri woman Lori Drew who caused her 13-year-old neighbor Megan Meier (who coincidentally happened to be in the eighth grade and suffering from low self-esteem, overweight issues, and clinical depression) to hang herself in her own closet.
Drew created Josh Evans, a good-looking 16-year-old boy, out of thin air and took on his personality to contact Megan on her MySpace account. Megan was thrilled! They started out as friends but then became boyfriend and girlfriend over probably the happiest 6 weeks of her life. Suddenly, Josh turned mean, going so far as to tell her that the world would be better off without her! Apparently this was all some sort of revenge that Drew exacted on behalf of her own daughter who had been Megan’s friend in the 7th grade but whom Megan had since dropped due to all their fighting, which had contributed to her depression.
That’s just an extreme example. There are so many ways that the ease of maintaining one’s anonymity or even false identities seem to bring out the worst in some people. I also hope that us victims of bullies can survive those dark days (or months or years) because if we do, we become amazing healers and protectors of the next generation of victims! We really do understand their pain; and, we are living proof that what doesn’t kill us truly does make us stronger.
June 21st, 2008 at 7:00 am
Great post, Shanel. I’m quite introverted by nature and my big problem nowadays is that I like my alone time so much. Looking back at my big social period during my student days much of it seemed so awkward and demanding. Having a social life almost seemed like a 9-to-5 job in itself. I guess since then I’ve gone from one extreme to the other (why is it never easy to get a balance?) so this post is very fitting.
June 21st, 2008 at 8:06 am
Thanks, James! Very true that being too social for natural-born introverts is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. Whereas extroverts can just keep on going, day after day, with the attitude of the more the merrier, we really do need to escape from the madding crowd long enough to recharge our batteries in perfect solitude. But, balance and simplicity are the hardest things!
I also went through a withdrawal phase after our parents moved us yet again to a new neighborhood and of course a new high school. By then, I was so tired of all the demands of being “popular” in my last high school, that I was more than happy to retreat into relative obscurity again. The pendulum swung too far in one direction not to swing back pretty far in the opposite direction. This pattern continued for me, back and forth, through college and then law school until each swing got shorter and closer to a comfortable middle ground for my tastes.
Just follow your instincts and you’ll eventually end up where you are most happy!
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I think every student should be forced to read and understand How to Win Friends before entering highschool. It would make the world a significantly different place.
June 22nd, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Hi, Mark! I totally agree. But, I also fear that negative peer pressure is 100% stronger at that age than any lasting influence from any books. Unless acting kind, considerate, and respectful someday becomes “cool” for teens, I’m afraid any attempt to teach them to do these things will only be met with more rebellion.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:43 am
HI Shanel,
Once again thank you for the amazing article and wonderful advice.
I can’t thank you enough for all the though and consideration that you put
into helping people and changing their lives. I’ve greatly enjoyed our
email discussions and am glad that this can now be part of something that
the world can share.
I’m currently going through a self-actualization/change phase where i will
try to apply all the tips and advice you have showed me. I’m also reading a lot
of books , such as “Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive” and “how to win
friends and influence people”, and even listening to great speakers such as
“Anthony Robbins” about bringing out your inner potential. Along with working in a
busy retail store, i’ll have lots of practice before school starts again in the fall.
One of the bigger pitfalls i usually encounter when i want to be more
extroverted is that I’m still thinking very introverted. Even though my actions or my words
may sound very outgoing, my inner thoughts and fears still concentrate on my “self”
i worry about how people will see me and how they will judge me. Trying to please
everyone all the time just doesn’t work and you end up sounding meek or not authentic.
What I’m trying to do at the moment is to just stop thinking through myself and just
assume that everything is alright. Because the universe does not revolve around me
and not everyone will dramatically lash out when i approach them. haha.
anyways, once again i really enjoyed this article and hope that we can have further disscusions
in the future. I will keep you updated on how my “extroverted” life is slowly growing.
Until then, keep up the great articles.
your friend. and fellow ex-introvert.
Eric Tsai
p.s. that blogspot link you have for me, wow i have not seen that in YEARS hahaa
June 25th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Hi, Eric!
So good to hear from you again! I’m very excited for you and all your positive steps to improve your life! Not everyone wants to become more extroverted; but, for those of us who do, the steps you’ve described are an excellent way to start.
Our inner thoughts are often what holds us back whenever we even think about trying anything new. Then, those voices get louder as we try to build our new desired habits. That’s when it’s most critical to do exactly as you are doing, replacing your negative self talk with positive self talk. My article “10 Harmful Thoughts” is exactly about that process. Today’s article “My 10 Commandments” is also relevant to this discussion. Finally, I’m working on a new one for this Friday called “50 Negative Thoughts v. 50 Positive Thoughts” which also addresses this issue. But, really, this topic is so important that I touch on it in almost all my substantive posts on this blog, including: “Fan Your Inner Flame Till It Burns Bright,” “Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life,” and “So You Think You’re Smart?”
Here’s the thing, Eric: If anyone ever lashes out at you for merely approaching them in a friendly manner, that is 100% their problem. That kind of mean behavior has everything to do with their issues and nothing to do with you. Except that you should take note to avoid them in the future to protect yourself from further unwarranted nasty behavior. My wish for you is that someday soon you will stop worrying about how everyone sees you or judges you because some people will always judge us too quickly or too harshly. We simply can’t please everyone! And trying to is the perfect recipe for a lifetime of misery. Instead, focus on whether you like you the way you are right now. If not, only change only those things about yourself that you don’t like. Trust your instincts on this. For instance, I think you’re great from what little I’ve gotten to know! I am always hugely impressed with people who work hard to change their lives for the better instead of wallowing in their problems. That takes monster courage, so you are awesome in my book!
Focus on all the positive reactions you get to your new social skills and seriously downplay any negative ones. Tell yourself, “It’s not about me when they react like that; it’s all about them. I feel bad for them, but they have no right to lash out at me, no matter what their problems are. So, I’ll move on to others who are more receptive to my friendly overtures.” (If you still feel sorry for them and want to befriend them anyway, you might want to read by ebook Cuckoo in Your Nest!) When you get a positive response, tell yourself, “That was great! I really enjoyed that. If I keep doing this, I can expect many more of these wonderful experiences than any negative ones. But, if I quit because of a few negative ones, I’ll fall back into my old life. No, let’s keep on going and see just how far I can go with this!”
I look forward to hearing more about your road to extroversion. Sorry about that link. I used it because it was part of your email. Do you want me to take it off?
Very glad and proud to be your friend,
Shanel
June 25th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Thanks for a brilliant post. I’ve seen you commenting on Zen Habits and other blogs before but it’s only today I clicked to your blog… I wish I’d done it sooner! You go into so much depth with interesting, relevant stories along the way. I’m just about to go into your archives and find some more
June 25th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Hi, Anne! Welcome and thank you so much for your comment! Earlier this month, I began reading and commenting on other people’s blogs for the first time. Zen Habits is one of the best! And, it’s really fun to slowly get to know everyone! I’m glad you are checking out my blog, and I hope to see more of your comments. ; )
August 6th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I just want to point out that introversion has little to do with shyness as indicated in your post.
Straight from wiki: Introversion is not the same as shyness. Introverts choose solitary over social activities by preference, whereas shy people avoid social encounters out of fear.
I am very much an introvert and I get misjudged as shy and anti-social all the time. However that has never been the case.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Hi Ric! Thanks for your comment and for bringing up an interesting point! First, I’d like to point out that the No. 1 definition of “introvert” in Dictionary.com for the layperson is actually the single word: “shy.” The secondary definition listed there is more specialized and limited to the field of psychology, which is defined as “a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings (opposed to extrovert).” Therefore, I respectfully disagree that shyness has “little to do with” introversion. However, I do agree that there are introverts who are not shy. I would say that I am no longer shy — thanks to training myself how to act extroverted if desired, as described above. Introverts who have never in their lives been shy must be very rare. Even extroverts are a little shy when meeting new people. They are just less shy than most introverts. But, we can simply agree to disagree on the single point of whether introversion has “little to do with” shyness.
August 24th, 2008 at 5:21 am
great post!!
August 24th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Thanks, Deep! : )
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 pm
This is thoughtful post and you’ve shared a touching story.
It’s hard for me to have my usual reaction to articles teaching introverts to be extroverts (cringing), but I will recommend Anneli Rufus’ book, Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto. It gives a lot of reasons to celebrate being an introvert.
Developing good social skills is important for surviving and thriving in the world, but that’s not quite the same as learning how to be an extrovert.
As George Bernard Shaw said, “All progress depends on the unreasonable man. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.”
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Hi Lindsay! Thank you for your very thoughtful and kind comment! I definitely appreciate the many wonderful sides of introverts and am naturally drawn to and extremely fond of them — being one myself. That’s why I decided to help any introverts who might want to know how to develop the skills of at least exhibiting more extroverted traits when and if they should need such skills, as I once did.