How to Kiss with Confidence

Saturday, May 31st 2008 by Shanel Yang

Is there anything more romantic that the first kiss? It truly depends on the kiss. If you want to make it a memorable one—in a good way—just follow these quick and easy tips.

HOW TO KISS WITH CONFIDENCE

A. BEFORE THE KISS

1. Make sure your breath is pleasant. Avoid any smelly foods before the date, especially onions, garlic, or fish. (During the date, it’s safe to eat anything your date also eats.)

Brush your teeth with mint-flavored gel or paste. Be sure to brush the entire surface of your tongue till any visible coating is removed because that’s where most bad odors from the mouth cling. Gently run the toothbrush over the entire gum area and insides of your cheeks, too. Floss, then rinse with mouthwash.

2. For Men: No stubble, please. It’s painful and that Don Johnson five o’clock shadow look doesn’t really work for most guys. Carefully trim, shave, or pluck all unsightly facial hair, whether it’s on the face, neck, ears, or nose.

3. For Women: No bright-colored lipstick. Smeared clown lips look ridiculous on both men and women. Also, this saves a lot of cash on dry cleaning bills.

B. THE KISS

1. Slow approach. First, you need a quiet moment when your eyes meet and you hold her gaze for at least a couple of seconds. Let the silence and gaze linger. If the woman smiles or at least continues to look at you without moving her face or her body, you should move closer (or, if you are already close, move your head closer to hers). This slow approach gives her time to (1) realize you are about to kiss her and (2) take defensive action if she doesn’t want you to kiss her just yet.

Ladies, if you don’t want him to kiss you, move forward, dodging his kiss, and hug him quickly. Or, if he is already too close, turning your face so that one of your cheeks makes contact with his approaching lips. Then smile and restart the conversation with something like, “So what were we talking about?” I know this might make things a bit awkward for a while (and you might have to initiate the kiss when you’re ready if he’s the “once bitten, twice shy” type), but that’s still better than being kissed when you don’t want to. A kiss is best when both sides want it!

But, if you do want the kiss, stay relaxed and still. He’ll move his head to avoid knocking noses or eyeglasses with you. As he bridges the last few inches before his lips touch yours, lift your chin a bit and open your mouth slightly, if you want, and extend your lower lip a smidgen. Don’t pucker or lick your lips. After he makes contact, gently move your lower lip forward and upward, and, occasionally, from side to side. (Try this on the back of your hand to see how much control and power you have over your lower lip!) Follow his lead in terms of tempo and amount of pressure to apply using your lips, especially with your stronger, fuller, lower lip.

2. Not too much saliva or tongue. At least not for the first kiss. After that, different strokes for different folks. Almost every woman wants that first kiss to be a romantic, almost innocent kiss, rather than a passionate, hot and heavy kiss.

3. No biting or nibbling. Same advice as for No. 2 above.

C. AFTER THE KISS

Less is more for the first kiss. If it happens before the end of the date, go back to having a good time getting to know each other with conversation. After the first kiss, couples often hold hands or otherwise physically show their affections for each other in public. Please do so with respect for all who can see and hear you.

CONCLUSION

If your kissing partner is doing something that you wish they wouldn’t during your kissing sessions, I hope you will at least give them the chance to improve their kissing skills by asking them if they would try it a slightly differently way because that would make it so much more pleasant for you—and show them. It’s better to make this request relatively early in your kissing history with that person. It’s this kind of polite, direct, and specific communication that strengthens good relationships and can even repair bad ones. See, e.g., “30 Statements for Great Relationships” and “4 Signs that a Marriage Will End in Divorce.”

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