10 Tips on Internet Dating

Internet dating can be easy, efficient, and enjoyable if done correctly. Here are 10 useful tips to help you do it safely and politely.

10 TIPS ON INTERNET DATING

1. Good Photo.

See “Tips for Internet Personals.”

2. Good Ad.

a. Keep it short. Less is more. Stick to the basics. Briefly describe yourself and what you’re looking for in a partner. If they are reading your ad, they already liked your photo and are only reading the rest of your ad in case there are any red flags or dealbreakers.

b. Keep it positive. Don’t mention prior bad relationships, all the struggles you’ve been through, or your opinions about what’s wrong with the world today. There’s no need to get defensive, preachy, or arrogant in your ad. It’s also a good idea not to do these any of these things on your first several dates, too.

c. Don’t mention sex. Some ads hint at, joke about, or straight-out state what their sexual preferences are. Unless sex is all you want, this is as inappropriate as discussing your sexual habits the first time you meet someone.

3. Only answer ads that are seeking someone like you.

When they list what kind of person they are looking for, that is their “wish list” and some items on that list are not negotiable. Typical non-negotiable items are your age, race, religion, body size, drinking habits, smoking habits, and certain other similar interests. Take these non-negotiable items seriously. For example, if an ad states “no smoking,” don’t say to yourself, “I’ll just not smoke during the first date and see where it goes from there. If I really like him/her, that’ll be just the incentive I need to quit smoking for good.” That’s not fair to either of you.

If you ignore their “wish list,” don’t be surprised if they are rude to you. On the other hand, if someone ignores your “wish list” when they respond to your ad, you can simply ignore it. No need to be rude, and no need to waste your time with anyone who obviously doesn’t respect your clearly stated wishes from the get-go.

4. For Women Seeking Men: It’s recommended that you answer men’s ads instead of waiting for them to answer yours.

It sounds like more work, but it really isn’t because otherwise you’ll have to weed through hundreds of unwanted responses. Most internet dating sites require you to post an ad before responding to anyone else’s, so you have to post one anyway. A woman in her 20s - 30s typically gets 300 responses in the first couple of days! Going through that many responses can be as time-consuming as a part-time job.

5. For Women Seeking Men: Do not post a photo with your ad.

This cuts down on unwanted responses. However, be sure to include a good photo (see “Tips for Internet Personals”) with your responses to any ads that you like. Since you’re only responding to ads with photos, you should send one of your own.

6. Exchange several emails.

The point is to get to know each other enough to find out if you want to take it to the next level of talking on the phone. If they don’t even want to exchange a few emails with you before jumping right to the phone stage, you have to ask yourself if you really want to go any further with such demanding, impatient people. Don’t we get enough of that in our lives from everyone else? Do we really need it from the people we date in search of our soul mate? If they are this pushy with us from the beginning—when they are supposed to be trying their best to impress us—you can just imagine how badly they will behave once they get a little comfortable with us!

What you are looking for in their emails—and providing in your own—is more detailed information, the kind of long laundry list of likes and dislikes normally found in the actual personal ads that nobody bothers to read too carefully. But, read these emails very carefully. Trust your instincts. Do they sound sincere? Stuck up? Selfish? Happy to hear from you? Do you like what they write about themselves as well as the way they write about it? Are their emails brief and to the point, long and conversational, or somewhere in between? Does that match your conversation style? Ask for any details that are important to you and for clarifications of any points that might be confusing to you in their emails. Then, if after all that, both of you are still interested in each other, it’s time for the first phone call.

7. Talk on the phone a few times.

Attraction is 55% looks and body language, 38% sound and speed of voice, and only 7% what they actually say. (See “Why We Really Fall in Love.”) If you like the sound of their voice and the way they talk as well as what they say, that’s great! However, if you don’t—or, if they sound bored or distracted—those are pretty good signs that now is good time to let this one go. On the other hand, if both of you are still interested in each other after a few phone calls, then it’s time to meet.

8. Meet in a public place.

Pick a mutually convenient public place for your first meeting. A typical choice is a quiet restaurant where you can sit, eat, drink, and talk for 2 - 3 hours. Make sure you have your own transportation to and from the designated place. Be punctual. Dress in something flattering but not overly sexy. Don’t wear too much cologne or perfume. If you are a woman, bring cash or a credit card just in case. The custom is that the man pays for the first date, but it’s always good to be prepared.

9. For Women: Offer to split the check if you don’t want a second date.

It’s never easy letting someone know that you’re not attracted to them. But, this type of news is best received sooner rather than later. They’ll understand if you let them down gently. You can say, “Thanks for a pleasant evening/afternoon. Can I get half the check?” Then, if they don’t ask whether you want another date or otherwise want to pursue things further, politely say goodbye and leave. Don’t kiss them. If they look like they want to make physical contact with you while saying goodbye, give them a quick, friendly hug or offer a handshake. Later, if they call or email you, you can gently tell them that you don’t think you’re a good match.

If they push for another date anyway, that’s a red flag for trouble ahead if you go out with them against your better judgment. Stick to your guts. Be polite, but be firm! If they ignore your attempts to be polite, it’s time to start ignoring the emails and calls completely. It’s not mean or rude to protect yourself against people who obviously have no problem ignoring your polite and clear requests to be left alone.

If, during the first date, they do ask for a second date, then you need to be honest. You can say something like, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel the chemistry. I’m sure you’ll agree that physical attraction is an important part of a relationship. But, it was very nice to meet you. Would you like me to pay for half the check?”

If you really liked him but aren’t sure if he liked you, you’ll know soon enough. If he liked you, he’ll call you. If he didn’t, he won’t. If he doesn’t call, the best thing to do is quickly accept it for what it is and move on. See “Why Won’t He Call?”

10. For Women: Don’t have sex immediately.

Ladies, it’s the pheromones! They are as strong as any pleasure drug. See “How to Find Your Soul Mate,” “Why Do We Fall in Love?!,” and “Why We Really Fall in Love.” If we have sex too soon, we lose our rationality. We can’t judge anymore what is good or bad for us. Best to wait till we know it’s a good personality fit.

CONCLUSION

The internet is a great place to find love if you know what to look for and how to look for it. Where else can you learn so many things about a person before you even meet them? If religion or spirituality is important to you, you can pre-select for any kind you want. If education is important to you, you can choose as much or as little of that in your dating partner as you desire. If you want someone who also loves the same types of music, movies, or books as you do, you can certainly narrow your search along those parameters, too. As with all things in life, the internet is what you make of it. Use it wisely, and be safe and polite. Best of luck!

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[For “How to Kiss with Confidence,” click here.]

[For “Tips for Internet Personals,” click here.]

[For “How to Find Your Soul Mate,” click here.]

[For “How to Ask for a Date,” click here.]

[For “The Science of Physical Attraction,” click here.]

[For “Do Blondes Have More Fun?,” click here.]

[For “How to Look Great at the Beach,” click here.]

[For “Naturally Beautiful Skin,” click here.]

[For “Why Do We Fall in Love?!,” click here.]

[For “Why We Really Fall in Love,” click here.]

[For “Why Won’t He Call?,” click here.]

[For “Is She Into Me or Just Nice?,” click here.]

[For “How to Read People,” click here.]

[For “How to Be an Extrovert,” click here.]

[For “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” click here.]

[For “100 Differences between Men and Women,” click here.]

[For more “Easy Steps to Success with People,” click here.]