Why Won’t He Call?
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He said he’d call. He seemed like a nice guy. So, why won’t he call?
There are so many answers to this question. Sad to say, however, sometimes, not even he knows why he won’t call. The best answer is because he doesn’t really want to.
“But, why doesn’t he want to?” you press on. “Then, why did he ask for my number?” you argue. “But, we’ve been getting along so well!” you insist. “Did I do something wrong?” you obsess. “He should tell me if I did something wrong!” you get angry.
The reason he won’t call doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you are going to do about it now and in the future. But, before we get to that, let’s go ahead and list all the reasons why he hasn’t—and probably won’t—call.
REASONS MEN WON’T CALL WHEN THEY SAY THEY WILL
A. “TOO BUSY”
If you happen to corner him and ask him why he never called, you’ll usually get some form of “I’ve just been too busy.” But, what that generally means is he’s just been too busy to bother with you. The way to know for sure is to see if he continues to ignore you after you confront him. If so, then it’s time to move on because he’s really not that into you, and there’s very little you can do about it that’s any good for you. This may sound like bad news, especially if you’ve already invested time, money, and feelings into him; but, if you walk away now, you can still save yourself a whole lot more of all three, plus a ton of grief.
Here are some variants of this excuse, often packaged with nice apologies to make them that much more tempting to swallow—hook, line, and sinker:
1. “I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to call, but I’ve just been too busy.”
2. “I apologize. It just slipped my mind.”
3. “I was just about to call you! I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
4. “I was waiting for a good time to call, but it just never happened.”
5. “I coulda swore I left you a message. You sure you didn’t get it?”
B. “NOT MY FAULT”
Another set of reasons men often give for not calling falls under the category “it’s not my fault.” It’s not exactly the “too busy” excuse because at least he gives a specific reason for why he didn’t call, as opposed to merely his own forgetfulness or time management problems. But, just as with the “too busy” excuse, he still kept in touch with everyone he really wanted to. After all, it doesn’t take much time or effort to leave a quick message to let you know what’s going on.
1. “I’m sorry. I lost your number.”
2. “My cell phone died.” (Got lost/was stolen/etc.)
3. “My boss is giving me a hard time.”
4. “My family is giving me a hard time.”
5. “My friends are giving me a hard time.”
C. REAL REASONS
The real reasons they won’t call when they say they will are usually not the ones you want to hear. So, don’t be too hard on the men for not giving it to you straight. It’s actually good manners to spare you that kind of embarrassment and pain. If you want to take advantage of this age-old system of polite let downs, you need to learn how to read between the lines of the “TOO BUSY” and “NOT MY FAULT” excuses listed above. Then, when you get offered one of them, the only polite thing to do is give a knowing smile and say, “I understand.” What is it you understand? That the real reason must be one of these hard-to-swallow pills:
1. “I changed my mind.”
2. “My ex called.” (Or, “I met someone else I like better.”)
3. “I was so drunk I couldn’t remember whose number it was.” (Or, “I couldn’t keep track of all the numbers I got that weekend.”)
4. “I’m really not sure I need to start dating right now.”
5. “I never meant to call. I just wanted to see if I could get your number.”
YOUR OPTIONS
It’s almost always the case that the ones we desperately wish would call us never really want to call us. But, that’s actually better for us because that strong of a physical or sexual attraction makes us lose our common sense and good judgment when it comes to them. That’s a terrible way to start any relationship. And, if we pursue these one-sided relationships, they often become our addictions.
If you do get hit by Cupid’s arrow, your best option is to take things as slowly as possible. Spend as little time in person with him as possible (because that will only intensify your physical and sexual attraction to his pheromones) until you find out enough about him through phone calls or emails to correctly gauge his level of interest in you. If he doesn’t seem interested in talking to you on the phone or emailing you very much, then he’s not that into you. This is a dangerous situation for you, especially when your attraction for him is so strong. Let this person go. Wait for the one whose level of attraction is more equal to yours.
One final point: If you find yourself in the opposite situation of a guy calling you who is obviously way more into you than you are into him, the best thing you could do for him is to let him down gently with a polite excuse of your own. Guys know what you mean if you say, “I’m sorry, but I’m very busy these days. I hope you understand.” If they press on, you can be more direct with, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” If they continue to press on, then they are asking for the blunt truth, so you can explain, “I just don’t feel the chemistry. I’m sure you will agree that physical attraction is a necessary part of any romatic relationship.”
CONCLUSION
One thing I learned about people that has served me well since I fully embraced it is to be grateful whenever someone I know acts rude, inconsiderate, or otherwise unnecessarily unkind to me or to anyone else. Because the moment they do that, I see them for who they really are and can react accordingly.
This works especially well when it comes to dating. If a man I’m interested is indifferent or mean to me early on in the dating process, that’s manna from Heaven! I’ve been blessed with pretty strong proof that this man is not worth my time, effort, and, especially, my heart, before too much damage has been done to my life! Ladies, no one is gorgeous enough or rich enough to put up with them making us feel unattractive, undesirable, uninteresting, or, in any way, not good enough.
So, if a man you like won’t call you, take the hint and move on. Even Jesus said to his disciples that if a town lacks interest, don’t waste time; shake the dirt off your sandals and keep walking. This means there are plenty of others who do want you, but you have to get away from those that don’t to get to the ones who do!
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June 17th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Ah the stupid tricks men play. Me and my homies used to have competitions as to who could get the most numbers by the end of the night. That was a long time ago though. Then I went through a period where I would get a womans number and throw it away and let fate decide if I would meet her again. Well that hasn’t worked out too well. Nowadays I get a number and I call her the next day. Sometimes she’s embarrased, maybe she was drunk and can’t remember or sometimes she just gives me the wrong number. I guess women play games too. HAHAHA!!!!