30 Statements for Great Relationships

Tuesday, April 15th 2008 by Shanel Yang         Email this article to a friend

Seven years ago, I was in a terrible relationship. Lots of heated, ugly arguments. It would be easy for me to blame it all on him because he was an alcoholic and most of our fights were related to his drinking. Or, I could blame it all on my father, who was also an alcoholic, which, according to the experts, made it very likely that I would end up with an alcoholic partner.

In those days, although I outwardly blamed these men, I secretly mostly blamed myself for being too weak to break away from their grip (my dad had been dead for almost 10 years, and, still, he controlled me!) over my mind, my heart, and my actions. In fact, I felt doomed to codependency with everyone close to me, including family, friends, bosses, and coworkers. I was desperate to make all of those relationships work.

And, so, I found these 30 Statements for Great Relationships. They resonated with me as honest and helpful. They did help, but they did not cure. Eventually, when I had done my best to adopt these sentiments and apply them to all of my relationships, I found something amazing happening. I found the courage and strength slowly building up inside of me to leave any relationship where the other person was taking way more than giving and making very little effort—compared to the huge effort I was making—to improve the relationship.

But, I could never have got to that place if I didn’t make a sincere effort to adopt all of the below statements as my own toward everyone I loved and wanted to stay in relationships with. It wasn’t until then that I could plainly see that most of them obviously didn’t share the views expressed in these 30 statements. Only after I broke free from them was I able to finally recognize the people in the world who did. And, let me tell you, the difference between codependent people, users, and manipulators, and the type of people who believe in these 30 statements is like night and day! One brings darkness into your life, the other—bright, shining light. People who share the below views are, quite honestly, rare. But, they are out there. And, they are well worth the wait and your effort to find them.

30 STATEMENTS FOR GREAT RELATIONSHIPS

1. It’s your job to educate your partner about how to treat you so you feel loved.

2. Communication doesn’t mean talking. It means sharing.

3. Infidelity is the surest way to destroy a relationship.

4. Generosity is rarely about money or things. It’s mostly about heart.

5. Until you resolve your past, you are not free to have a future.

6. What people do to you is rarely about you and is almost always about their unresolved past. Don’t take it personally.

7. Until you realize that a great relationship is created by who you are, you won’t have one.

8. Until you love yourself enough to take care of your needs, no one else will.

9. If you feel empty, a relationship will likely make you feel even emptier.

10. Compassion for your partner goes a long way in getting what you want.

11. Sexual intimacy has very little to do with attractiveness and everything to do with emotional intimacy and trust.

12. Women rarely appreciate money and assistance as a substitute for emotional intimacy.

13. If your partner continuously says, “There’s nothing wrong with me. Our problems are all your fault,” get help.

14. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life, and your relationship’s in progress. Start creating your life the way you want it to be today.

15. You are not your parents. There is no reason your life or relationship should look like theirs.

16. It’s much easier to be yourself than to be what you think others want you to be.

17. Even when someone loves you more than life itself, they will still look out for their interests first.

18. Being a people-pleaser is not an effective way to create good relationships. It is an effective way to get taken advantage of.

19. If you always take care of someone, you take away their power. And, they will resent you for it.

20. Supporting men financially takes away their self-esteem. Give them moral support instead.

21. The best relationships are partnerships.

22. If you get to be right most of the time and make your partner take most of the blame, you will end up alone.

23. A relationship with the foundation of dishonesty is like a house of cards.

24. Grass only looks greener on the other side.

25. You may secretly wonder if there isn’t a better partner out there. This is your mind’s way of saying you are nearing intimacy with your current partner.

26. If your partner says he is willing to grow and change, don’t test them. Support their in their commitment.

27. Emotional maturity is knowing when you are overreaching. Stop and take care of your needs so you can get back in balance.

28. What you think you want is often not what you really want, but rather a sideways plot to get your needs met.

29. If you ask, very often you will receive.

30. Communication means two-way understanding, not one-way accusing.

CONCLUSION

I hope these 30 statements help you find great relationships in this world, too. Although, I must reiterate: Great relationships are much rarer than mediocre ones. A dear, old friend once told me his view on this subject, “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who prefer quality to quantity, and the other way around.” He preferred quality. Very high quality. So, he had very few friends. At the time, I couldn’t understand or accept that a person couldn’t have both. Furthermore, if I had to choose between the two, I said I preferred quantity.

Who doesn’t want a lot of friends? Only unpopular, hence, unsuccessful, people can’t have a lot of friends, I thought. What’s worse, I believed anyone who didn’t even want many friends, like my own old friend, was just plain antisocial. I measured my self worth, in part, by the number of close friends I made and kept. All of which, no doubt, contributed to my tendency toward codependency. Since about five years ago, I switched preferences to quality over quantity and have been increasingly happy with myself and my life ever since. But, enough about me. How about you? Do you prefer quality or quantity when it comes to friendships?

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[For “200 Happiness Quotes,” click here.]

[For “300 Friendship Quotes,” click here.]

[For “100 Family Quotes,” click here.]

[For “200 Forgiveness Quotes,” click here.]

[For all posts about different QUOTES, click here.]

[For “Where’s the Girl Power?,” click here.]

[For “Peers (Allies and Enemies),” click here.]

[For “How to Find Your Soul Mate,” click here.]

[For “How to Ask for a Date,” click here.]

[For “How to Kiss with Confidence,” click here.]

[For “The Science of Physical Attraction,” click here.]

[For “Why Do We Fall in Love?!,” click here.]

[For “Why We Really Fall in Love,” click here.]

[For “4 Signs that a Marriage Will End in Divorce,” click here.]

[For “Help with Overcoming Codependency,” click here.]

[For “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” click here.]

[For “100 Differences between Men and Women,” click here.]

[For “100 Love and Marriage Quotes,” click here.]

[For more “Easy Steps to Success with People,” click here.]