Money Lessons for Nice People: Self Test

Tuesday, April 1st 2008 by Shanel Yang

Why do nice people have such a hard time making and keeping money?

Is it as simple as we don’t charge enough for our services and products, don’t negotiate enough for raises, bonuses, and promotions, and give too much of our hard-earned money to family and friends?

Yes and no.

Yes, nice people do all of these things. But, no, the reason we tend to do them is not simple at all. All the advice in the world about how to get rich won’t do us any good if we are still struggling with the messages from parents, teachers, friends, churches, schools, and even coworkers and employers that only mean, greedy, heartless, cheating people get rich. And, who wants to be called any of those things?

As an Asian woman raised by traditional parents, I was taught to be grateful for whatever I had and to share all of it with my three younger sisters and anyone else who wanted anything from me. In fact, I was taught that nothing was mine, but my parents’, and that everything I would ever have in my life would, in effect, be theirs because without them I would be nothing. So, it’s no wonder that I grew up caring very little about acquiring wealth, let alone having a clue about how to do it.

Like most of my friends, male and female, I was just told to get good grades in school so I can get into a good college so I can get a good job, preferably as a doctor or lawyer. That was supposed to be all there was to it. My girlfriends, sisters, and I were given the additional advice by our parents to try to be as attractive as possible so some doctor or lawyer might marry us and let us devote all of our time to having and raising their grandchildren.

As it turned out, life is a lot more complicated. Too many doctors and lawyers—despite their fancy houses, cars, and clothes—live paycheck to paycheck. They are often worse off than teachers and truck drivers who started working up to a decade earlier. And, most doctors and lawyers are worse off than their immigrant parents, who, like mine, owned their own businesses. Why? Because most doctors and lawyers never learned to save or invest. That, plus trying to live up to the lifestyles of most professionals, left most second generation immigrants, who went to the trouble to get good educations, hopelessly in debt.

Clearly, our parents were wrong when they told us that all we had to do was get a good education, to get a good job, to have a comfortable life—and, for us females, that all we had to do was find a rich husband. We know that now. But, who can tell us what to do now to get a comfortable life? The same person who wrote Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (2004), which was just featured in the last series of articles called “Success in the Corporate World” (that began with its own Self Test), Dr. Lois P. Frankel, also wrote Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich (2005). This next series of articles called “Money Lessons for Nice People” shares some of the great advice in her second book about how to get the life you always dreamed of instead of settling for whatever you currently have—if you want more.

I call this series “Money Lessons for Nice People” and not “Nice Girls” because I want to emphasize that these lessons apply to overly trusting, nice men, as well as to women. As with the “Success in the Corporate World” series, I start this “Money Lessons for Nice People” series with a Self Test based on Dr. Frankel’s book.

SELF TEST

Answer “True” or “False” to the below questions.

A. Get into the Money Game

1. I have concrete financial goals in specific dollar amounts.
2. I know my net worth.
3. I am carrying out my plan to live a rich life.
4. I play the money game to win.
5. I actively look for ways to get rich other than current income.
6. I don’t listen to people who try to discourage my money plans.

B. Take Control of Your Finances

1. I went to at least one presentation on financial planning last year.
2. I have an emergency financial plan in case I lose my job or my partner.
3. I regularly read articles about financial planning.
4. I would ask for a prenuptial agreement to protect my assets.
5. Before marriage or living together, I would discuss money management.
6. My financial well-being is one of my top three priorities.

C. Spend Your Money Wisely

1. I pay off any and all balances on my credit cards each month.
2. I only shop on the internet when I have a specific purchase to make.
3. I don’t have to spend as much on a gift as that person spent on mine.
4. I don’t go shopping when I’m depressed or otherwise emotional.
5. I don’t spend more on something just to save me time or for convenience.
6. I don’t buy things I want if I don’t really need them.

D. Learn Money Basics

1. I balance my checkbook each month.
2. I at least review my tax returns before signing them.
3. I know and stick to my monthly discretionary spending budget.
4. I regularly analyze my spending habits.
5. I get investment statements each month, and I read them.
6. I meet regularly with my investment advisor to check my financial health.

E. Saving and Investing

1. I have investments in my own name, even if I have a partner.
2. In addition to my employer-sponsored retirement plan, I also have my own retirement savings account in my own name or in joint ownership with my partner.
3. I take calculated risks to maximize my financial portfolio.
4. If I don’t understand my investments, I ask probing questions.
5. I contribute the maximum allowed to my retirement plan each year.
6. I own my own home in my own name or in joint ownership.

F. Maximize Money from Work

1. I know what my company’s perks are and use them.
2. I feel comfortable asking for the salary or fee I deserve.
3. I make a profit on products or services I provide to friends.
4. I work in a traditionally highly compensated field.
5. I typically use all the vacation days allowed each year.
6. I ask my company to pay for training that helps my career.

G. Play Smart with Money

1. I don’t loan money to people I don’t think will pay me back.
2. I advocate firmly and clearly for myself if I’m not getting my fair share.
3. I plan my charitable gifts at the beginning of each year.
4. When I loan money, I say when it is due and follow up if it’s not paid back.
5. I’m a good negotiator.
6. I take full advantage of all lawful deductions on my income tax returns.

If you answered “False” to more than half of the above questions, you are not alone. Like many of us, you have been too nice to get “rich,” which means at least having enough money saved so you don’t have to worry about paying the bills. But, thanks to Dr. Frankel’s book, we now have the tools to change our financial future by changing our current attitudes and behaviors about money issues.

MONEY-WISE FOLKS v. MONEY-IGNORNANT (”TOO” NICE) FOLKS

People who come from similar backgrounds with limited resources can end up millions of dollars apart in wealth by the time they retire. How? Why do some people who start out poor end up rich while others always stay poor?

Most “rags to riches” stories are not the result of lottery winnings, big inheritances, or big legal judgments. The difference is what the people who ended up rich thought about money and how they treated whatever little they had to begin with.

Those who got rich were “money-wise,” while those who stayed poor were “money-ignorant.” Below is a list comparing some important differences in the thought patterns and behaviors of the money-wise versus the money-ignorant.

The money-wise are taught how to invest and make money grow.
The money-ignorant are taught just to save money.

The money-wise use money to “keep score” of how they compare to others.
The money-ignorant use money to “take care of” others.

The money-wise buy what they need.
The money-ignorant buy what they want.

The money-wise use money to prepare for their futures.
The money-ignorant use money to create a desired present lifestyle.

The money-wise take investment risks.
The money-ignorant are cautious about investing.

The money-wise spend money on themselves.
The money-ignorant spend money on those they care about.

The money-wise ask for what they want.
The money-ignorant ask for what they think they deserve.

The money-wise look at money objectively.
The money-ignorant look at money in terms of relationships.

The money-wise learn how to be effective investors.
The money-ignorant expect others to know more than they do.

The money-wise are attracted to high-paying jobs.
The money-ignorant are attracted to the helping professions.

The money-wise fight for themselves during difficult financial times.
The money-ignorant want to be fair during difficult financial times.

Do you want to be a money-wise person? If so, you should want to adopt the above attitudes and beliefs of the money-wise folks. Do you feel uncomfortable about this? It’s understandable if you do because most “too” nice people have been sadly socialized not to think about themselves at all. But, that’s not natural or healthy. If you really have a hard time thinking about taking care of your own needs before others’, I highly recommend a copy of my eBook Cuckoo in Your Nest!(2007). Contact me with a request and I will be happy to send you a free copy.

CONCLUSION

If you feel guilty about wanting money, you should read “Greed v. Desire.” Other relevant articles are “Millionaires v. Billionaires,” and “How Dad Turned $50 into $1.2 Million.” I hope you will join me to learn about the tools that will help you change your attitudes and behaviors about money in the next set of articles.

If you would like a copy of Dr. Frankel’s book: click here.

[Continued in “Money Lessons: The Game - Part 1.”]

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