How to Ask for a Date

Monday, January 14th 2008 by Shanel Yang         Email this article to a friend

If you are attracted to a man or a woman and want to spend some time alone with him or her, what should you do? In America, you can ask them for a date.

A date is an appointment to spend time together doing something you both enjoy while you learn more about each other, usually for the purpose of deciding whether you eventually want to become a romantic couple.

If after the first date, both of you are still interested in possibly becoming a romantic couple, you can ask for a second date. But, if either of you lose interest in that possibility, then you two can become friends or stop all contact, if desired.

If you are both still interested in each other after a number of dates, you will eventually become a romantic couple, which usually means agreeing to not see anyone else romantically as long as the two of you remain a couple.

ASK FOR A DATE

Whether you meet people in your school, in a bar, or in some other public place, if you like the person and think you might like to get romantically involved with him or her, start by asking that person for a date. (I strongly recommend NOT dating anyone from work. See What is Sexual Harassment?)

Keep the first date as casual as possible. When you ask for it, be friendly but try to seem as if you won’t mind too much if they say “no.”

1. In School

You can say to classmates you already know:

“Hi, Sandy. Want to get a cup of coffee?”
“Wait up, Liz. Want to get something to eat?”
“Hey, Joe. Want to get together and compare notes? I take great notes.”

If they say “no,” just say:

“Okay. See you later.”

No need to ask again for at least a week. If you do ask again after a week and they again say “no,” that’s a clear message that they are not interested in you romantically. Take the hint and move on to someone who might be interested.

2. In a Bar or a Dance Club

Generally, in a bar or dance club, eye contact and a smile is an invitation to go over and talk to the person. When you do, smile and say one of the following:

“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Want to dance?”
“Hi. My name is Dan. What’s your name?”

Then, continue the conversation from there. If the conversation goes well, you like them, and they seem to like you, but one of you has to leave, you can say:

“I have to leave. Want to get together for coffee or a drink sometime?”

“I’m sorry to see you go. Want to get together for coffee or a drink sometime?”

If they say “yes,” say:

“Great! Let me get your number.”

If they don’t want to give you their number, give them yours. Shake hands or exchange a hug while saying goodbye. Add a light kiss on the cheek if you want.

If you get their number, call two days later to make plans for coffee or drinks.

3. In a Public Place

Parks, beaches, and museums are some public places where you might see strangers you want to get to know better. The hardest part is the introduction. Again, eye contact and a smile is the best invitation to walk over and introduce yourself to the person. If you get these nonverbal invitations, you can say:

“Hi, my name is Miguel. What’s your name?”
“Hi. Beautiful day; isn’t it?”
At the park bench: “Hi, I’m Ted. Do you mind if I sit next to you?”
At the beach: “Hi, I’m Kelly. Do you mind if put my towel down beside yours?”
At the museum: “Hi, I’m Pat. I was wondering what you think of this piece?”

Then continue the conversation from there with something like:

“I really enjoy parks/beaches/museums. How about you?”
“I really enjoy meeting interesting new people. How about you?”

If they respond with very short answers and don’t seem interested in further conversation with you, then take the hint and move on. But, if you don’t try, you’ll never find the people who will be more than happy to get to know you. Surprisingly, a lot of people are not interested in meeting new, interesting people. They’re too busy, too worried about other things going on in their lives, or too afraid to open up to new people. You don’t want to get involved with people like that.

If you get one nice response out of ten attempts, that’s a great result! It also means you should increase your total number of attempts to increase your total number of positive outcomes. So, get away from your computer for a few hours, go outside, and meet your future friends and dates. Be awesome! Be your own hero!

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[For “How to Kiss with Confidence,” click here.]

[For “Tips for Internet Personals,” click here.]

[For “10 Tips on Internet Dating,” click here.]

[For “How to Find Your Soul Mate,” click here.]

[For “How to Ask for a Date,” click here.]

[For “The Science of Physical Attraction,” click here.]

[For “Do Blondes Have More Fun?,” click here.]

[For “How to Look Great at the Beach,” click here.]

[For “Naturally Beautiful Skin,” click here.]

[For “Why Do We Fall in Love?!,” click here.]

[For “Why We Really Fall in Love,” click here.]

[For “Why Won’t He Call?,” click here.]

[For “Is She Into Me or Just Nice?,” click here.]

[For “How to Read People,” click here.]

[For “How to Be an Extrovert,” click here.]

[For “30 Statements for Great Relationships,” click here.]

[For “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” click here.]

[For “100 Differences between Men and Women,” click here.]

[For more “Easy Steps to Success with People,” click here.]

[For more “Easy Steps to Succcess with English,” click here.]