American Dinner Parties
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If you have been invited to your friend’s or coworker’s home for dinner, you might want to know what to expect in terms of American customs for dinner parties.
What should you wear? Should you take a gift? If so, what and how much should you spend on it? If you have special diet needs because of health problems, like allergies or diabetes, or, if you prefer to eat vegetarian or kosher, do you tell your host before you go to their home or just eat whatever you can that is served to you? How do Americans usually do these things? That’s what this article is about: American dinner parties.
DINNER INVITATION
If you received a written invitation for a dinner party, whether by card, memo, flyer, or email, that says “R.S.V.P.” anywhere on it, that means they want you to let them know if you will show up to the party at the date, time, and place listed on the written invitation. (By the way, “R.S.V.P.” is the abbreviation for the French words “respondez s’il vous plait,” which means “please respond.”)
Usually with written invitations, you have at least a few weeks before the deadline to respond. The deadline is often written on the invitation as “R.S.V.P by [date].” But, if not, you should respond at least one week before the date of the party. The hosts need that time to make final preparations for food, drinks, and seating.
If you need time to think about your decision, or, if you want to learn more about the party before you decide, call the person who gave you the invitations and say:
“Thank you for the invitation. I would love to go but I need to check with my family. We might have a prior commitment.”
Then politely ask all the questions you need answered. See the examples below.
FORMAL OR INFORMAL
“Is it a formal party?”
Don’t ask this question if the party is a barbeque (“BBQ”) because BBQs are usually casual—meaning men are not expected to wear jackets or ties and women are not expected to dress up, either. (If the invitation was for a daytime backyard BBQ by the pool, you could probably wear tank tops, shorts, and flip-flops! However, always check with your host.) But, since we are discussing dinner parties, you should not wear any tee-shirts, gym clothes, shorts, jeans, tennis shoes or sandals, even if the invitation is for a BBQ.
On the night of the party, when you bathe or shower to get ready, try not to use any products that leave a strong smell on your body, such as strong-smelling soaps, shampoos, after-shave, hair products, deodorant, perfume, or colognes.
Note: Wear clean socks without holes because if you are invited to an Asian family’s home, you may be asked to take off your shoes before entering their home. But, more and more non-Asian families are adopting this practice, so it’s good to be prepared no matter what nationality the family is. If you will not be wearing any socks, make sure your feet, including your toenails, are clean and presentable.
Formal Dinner Party Clothes for Men
If it is a formal party, men are expected wear dark-colored suit jackets and sometimes ties, too. Ask the people who invited you what they prefer. Suit jackets should be blue, black, grey, or brown. Under the jacket, men should wear long-sleeved, button-down shirts or sweaters (if no necktie is required). Men rarely wear suit vests in America.
The shirts should be solid colors, except for small pinstripes, and in shades of white, blue, brown, or black. Sweaters can be more colorful, but try to stick to just one solid color—no patterns or stripes. Patterns are too casual and stripes are too sporty. For sweaters, the same shades of colors as for shirts are recommended, but you can add to that list, deep shades of red, green, or purple.
For accessories, follow these simple rules, and you can’t go wrong: Black belt with black shoes. Brown belt with brown shoes. Always wear a belt, and always wear socks—unless you are invited to a backyard BBQ by the pool. Less jewelry is better.
Formal Dinner Party Clothes for Women
Women’s formal dress code is more difficult because there are so many choices. Floor-length evening gowns or knee- to ankle-length cocktail dresses are the dressiest. Safe colors are shades of black, blue, red, brown, and green. White is risky because if it’s a wedding, only the bride and bride’s mom are expected to wear white. Also, in some parts of the U.S., women are advised not to wear bright white, especially dress shoes, from Labor Day (first Monday in September) to Memorial Day (last Monday in May).
Women can also wear suits to formal dinner parties—with pants or skirts—if the suit looks more “feminine” than the usual business suit. For example, if the suit has lace trim or sparkling buttons. Or, if the suit fabric is more dressy, like silk, satin, or velvet. Women can also dress up normal business suits by wearing softer, more delicate blouses under the suit jackets, adding sparkling jewelry, and using more dramatic make up.
Casual Dinner Party Clothes for Men
For casual dinner parties, men can wear suit pants or slacks in black, blue, brown, or grey. Dockers, other khakis, or other heavy cotton pants are fine, as long as they are in black, navy blue, or brown. Shirts or sweaters can be button down or pullover and can have patterns or stripes. For accessories, the same simple rules apply as for Formal Dinner Party Dress for Men, above.
Casual Dinner Party Clothes for Women
Women can wear so many different outfits to casual dinner parties that it makes sense to list what they should not wear. Do not overdress by wearing sparkling, shimmering, or otherwise flashy jewelry or clothes, such as sequins, rhinestones, beaded silks, shiny silks, satin, chiffon, velvet, feathers, furs, or metallics.
That’s it for what to wear to dinner parties. Let’s move on to gifts, special diet needs, and the other things you need to know about American Dinner Parties.
[Continued in “American Dinner Parties - Part 2.”]
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