How to Say Sorry
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Different cultures have different ways of saying sorry.
In America, people have come from many different countries to live, study, and work together. We share the same neighborhoods, schools, and offices. So, it’s a good idea to know how to say sorry if you make a mistake that hurt someone’s feelings.
It’s also a good idea to know when not to say sorry because saying it at the wrong times can make you sound foolish, phony, or weak.
Let’s start by looking at what “sorry” means, then move on to examples of how to use it and when not to use it.
WHAT DOES “SORRY” MEAN?
The word “sorry” means a lot of things. Here are some of the most common uses.
Sorry for Past Actions
When you say you are sorry about something you said or did, you are saying you feel sadness, guilt, or regret from having said or done it. You are also indirectly promising not to do it again. Here are some examples:
“I am sorry I’m late.”
“I am sorry to keep you waiting.”
“I am sorry I forgot to call you.”
“I am sorry I forgot your birthday.”
Even though the above examples describe mistakes that may not be your fault, you still need to apologize for wasting other people’s time or not making sure you remember important dates by putting them in your calendar.
Serious Mistakes
When you have made a more serious mistake—especially if you did the harmful act on purpose instead of by accident—you can add the word “so” before the word “sorry” to stress how very sorry you are. The more sorry you are, the longer and stronger you can pronounce and stress the word “so.” Here are some examples:
“I am so sorry I hurt you.”
“I am so sorry I broke my promise.”
“I am sooo sorry I lied to you.”
“I am sooooo sorry I cheated on you.”
You can add the following promises or requests to begin repairing the relationship:
“I promise it will never happen again. You have my word.”
“There’s no excuse for what I did. I feel so ashamed.”
“I feel terrible knowing I hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I know I don’t deserve it; but, I hope you will forgive me.”
Sorry for Future Actions
When we know we can’t be on time for a meeting or can’t do something else that might disappoint our family, friends, or coworkers, let them know immediately. They will appreciate it very much and think you are a responsible, considerate person.
“I am sorry, but I’ll be late. I’m stuck in really bad traffic.”
“I am sorry, but I have to cancel for lunch today. I have too much work.”
“I am sorry, but I can’t go to your party next week. My relatives will be in town.”
“I am sorry, but I can’t go to your wedding. I’ll be out of town.”
“SORRY” OR “EXCUSE ME”
Some people always say “sorry” when they should say “excuse me.” “Excuse me” is a polite way to smooth over the many, tiny, accidental or intentional, inconveniences we all cause one another as part of our daily lives. Examples are: bumping or other accidental touching in crowded buses, trains, and elevators; accidental burping, intentional reaching across the table; or interrupting people to ask a quick question or a quick favor, such as:
“Excuse me. Would you please pass the bread?”
“Excuse me. Do you know what time it is?”
“Excuse me. Do you know where the bathrooms are?”
To your boss: “Excuse me. Is now a good time to ask a few questions?”
Always remember to thank them after they help you.
If you say “sorry” instead of “excuse me” for these and other minor inconveniences, people might think you are weak or have no confidence. Most Americans value strength and confidence more than modesty or politeness. We are proud and don’t like to apologize for anything unless we believe we did something wrong.
If people think you don’t respect yourself because you are always apologizing for yourself around them, they might begin to follow your lead and start treating you with less respect, too. Look around and see how other people in your neighborhood, school, or work use the words “sorry” and “excuse me,” and copy them.
CONCLUSION
I know you want to be polite. Now, you know how to do it in a way that makes you look confident, instead of weak. Be awesome! Be your own hero!
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August 10th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Hi Shanel,
Sometime saying sorry is one of the most difficult task. Mostly time people have some ego feeling “why should I say sorry”. Some people thinks it shameful that they are saying sorry. I usually see plenty of example in daily life.
However in point of view, Sorry is most important word specially when the case is of relationship. This makes replationship bonds much strong. For me, It ‘ s a very good article how to make relationship strong by saying sorry.
Thanks
Gaurav Bhatnagar
August 11th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Hi Guarav! Thanks for your comment and feedback! I agree that our ability to sincerely apologize for our wrongdoings coupled with a genuine promise to try not to repeat them is one of the most important ways to keep relationships strong.