High-Maintenance Personalities: The Wet Blanket
In Dr. Parrott’s book High-Maintenance Relationships (1996), “Wet Blankets” take the joy out of everything fun or exciting by focusing on the negative.
Their mottoes are: “The glass is always half empty”; “Nothing ventured, nothing lost”; and, “Anything that can go wrong will.”
When we get raises or bonuses, Wet Blankets are quick to point out that other companies gave their employees a whole lot more this year. If we lose 10 lbs., after congratulating us, they quickly add that we still have a long way to go. At weddings and baby showers, they would rather paint depressing pictures of pending loss of freedom and lack of sleep and sanity rather than simply sharing in the cheerful celebration.
WET BLANKET TRAITS
If you win the lottery, Wet Blankets will tell you will be hounded by relatives coming out of the woodworks and you will never be able to tell true friends from false friends again. Even at funerals, they find ways to make everyone feel worse than usual. While everyone else lingers on fond memories of the departed, Wet Blankets insist on reminding us that we might be next.
When we were kids, we called them Party Poopers. Whatever we call them, Wet Blankets share the following specific traits: sarcastic; pessimistic; deflating; dismissive; gives unwanted reality checks; demoralizing; and defeatist.
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Sarcastic – Wet Blankets assume people operate from the worst motives.
Pessimistic – They preach Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will.
Deflating – They can’t resist bursting your dream bubbles.
Dismissive – They always dismiss or minimize your accomplishments.
Gives Unwanted Reality Checks – They like to warn people of every potential bad consequence of their ideas or big plans.
Demoralizing – Wet Blankets bring down friends, family, and coworkers with their constant fixation on all things negative.
Defeatist – They assume they’ll lose, so they give up without ever trying.
WHY WET BLANKETS ACT THE WAY THEY DO
Some Wet Blankets use their overly negative future predictions as strong motivators to work harder to avoid their own terrifying worst-case scenarios. But, most of them act the way they do for less useful purposes. They learned their extreme negativism early in life from their families who convinced them the world is a cold, hard place with little you can do about it, except to accept it. The sooner, the better. Even when these poor Wet Blankets tried something new, they were too indoctrinated with their parents’ negative believes to survive the first sign of defeat. They gave up and never tried again.
Wet Blankets, like so many other high-maintenance personalities, have low-self esteem. In one study, college students were randomly divided into two groups, one called “alphas” and the other called “betas.” Each student was asked to evaluate each member of the alphas and the betas. The students with high self-esteem rated everyone in both groups positively, while the students with low self-esteem rated everyone negatively, including themselves. People with low self-esteem don’t think highly of anyone!
DEALING WITH WET BLANKETS
Other than being very selective about what you accept as true or useful from Wet Blankets, here are some ways to deal with Wet Blankets.
See Your Own Wet Blanket Ways
If you ever shot down a new idea by focusing immediately on the possible pitfalls instead of offering encouragement, or, if you resisted a suggestion to try something new in your life because you were afraid you wouldn’t like it, then you might relate a bit to Wet Blankets. We all have a little Wet Blanket in us.
Know the Difference between Negativism and Critical Thinking
Not all statements that convey “bad news” are actually negative. For example, the statement “Only five percent of all applications are accepted,” may be valuable information provided by a credible person using a tone of voice and body language that shows a genuine desire to help. Critical thinkers will react to this news by attempting to use it to their benefit and succeed despite the “bad news.” Wet Blankets, on the other hand, will throw up their hands and say, “I knew it! I’ll never get in. I give up.”
Develop a Strong Positive Inner Voice
If you are surrounded by Wet Blankets, be careful that you don’t begin to adopt their negativism. If you start saying things to yourself like, “I’ll never succeed,” or “I can’t do anything right,” be careful! You might be turning into a Wet Blanket. As soon as you catch yourself saying any of these defeatist statements to yourself, stop and replace them with positive, hopeful, and encouraging statements. Smile or laugh. Lighten your own mood. Repeat this often enough, and it will become habit to think positively again.
Counter Wet Blanket Statements with Positive Ones
When Wet Blankets say something negative around you, respond with something positive. For example, if they say, “This will never work.” You can say, “It might work. We won’t know until we try it.” If they say, “We’ve tried everything already.” You can try saying “I’m sure we haven’t tried everything. We’ll find a way.” They might be surprised at first, but they are likely to eventually appreciate it.
Everyone, including Wet Blankets, prefers being around positive people to negative people. After a while, your great attitude might rub off on them, at least a little.
Don’t Expect Wet Blankets to Change Too Much
Most Wet Blankets took a long time to get entrenched in their pessimistic views and defeatist lifestyle. If they change at all, it will take much effort over many years.
Realize that Optimism Is as Realistic as Pessimism
It’s just as realistic to always assume you succeed as always assuming that you won’t. So, why not feel better about yourself and your life by choosing to believe in you will succeed? You don’t need to be afraid of disappointment when you “lose” if you also realize that every “loss” is only a temporary setback that actually teaches you how to eventually win. You only really lose if you give up.
Note: Mistakes and temporary defeats are the necessary stepping stones to success. The more mistakes you make, the closer you get to your final goals. Never be afraid to make mistakes. Just be sure you don’t repeat old ones and fine-tune your plans from what you learn from your past mistakes. When Thomas Edison decided he wanted to invent a long-burning light bulb, he was so determine that he tried over 10,000 experiments before he succeeded. He carefully documented every single attempt and kept trying slightly different things until he finally got what he wanted. He knew it was just a matter of time. That kind of rational, methodical determination always guarantees success. In fact, this is the secret behind all unbelievably successful people. Read about more amazing real stories of success in my summary of the classic self help book by Napoleon Hill Think and Grow Rich.
Don’t Give Up Your Dreams
Not just Wet Blankets, but most people, will try to convince you that your dream is impractical, too risky, or has already been done. But, no matter what, if you love your dream, don’t give up on it. You will find a way to make it practical, less risky, and different because it’s never been done exactly the way you are going to do it!
Use Humor When Appropriate
Sometimes when situations get tense and a lot of negativity is in the room, a touch of humor can lighten the mood and pave the way to further progress. During the Cuban missile crisis, the Soviets and Americans got deadlocked. After sitting in without a word for some time, a Soviet broke the silence with a joke: “What is the difference between capitalism and communism?” No one knew. “In capitalism, people exploit people. In communism, it’s the other way around.” Humor helps when dealing with Wet Blankets and most other high-maintenance personalities.
Set Your Own Mood
Dr. Parrott describes being with a friend who politely thanked the owner of a newsstand after purchasing a newspaper. The owner ignored him. Dr. Parrott commented on the owner’s rudeness. Then, his friend shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh, he’s that way every night.” When Dr. Parrott asked him how he could continue to treat the owner with such politeness, he said, “Why should I let him determine how I’m going to act?”
You don’t have to let Wet Blankets drench your mood with their negativity. Understand that you are not the problem, smile, be polite, and continue on your merry way.
CONCLUSION
This is part of the series of articles called “High-Maintenance Personalities.” Click on the personality you want to read about next: Sponge; Backstabber; Critic; Control Freak; Flirt; Gossip; Martyr; Cold Shoulder; Workhorse; and Chameleon.
If you would like a copy of Dr. Parrott’s book: click here
